Regret

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You opened the fire and started to cook the rice you had just cleaned. You looked at the pork you had cut into cubes and began frying it. You seasoned the pork and let it fry over medium heat.

The air was hot, and sweat dribbled down your forehead. You sighed, wiping it away with the back of your hand. The room was peaceful as you eyed the suicidal maniac still sleeping on his futon.

You tried to ignore what had happened last week. You looked down at your feet, contemplating if staying in Dazai's dorm was truly safer than finding your own apartment.

You missed your home.

Your attention returned to the food you were cooking. The rice water was already boiling, so you lowered the heat to let it cook nicely. You smiled as you saw the pork was ready. Turning off the heat, you placed the pork on a plate.

As you were about to set the plate on the low table, you heard someone whisper in your left ear.

Y/N, long time no see

Startled, the plate slipped from your hands, but it didn’t crack, nor did the pork spill. It only made a loud sound.

Your heartbeat quickened as you turned to check if Dazai had woken up. You sighed in relief when you saw him still sleeping.

You turned back, glaring at the familiar spirit.

“It’s you,” you said in a low voice, afraid to wake Dazai. You closed the sliding door to muffle your voice, not wanting him to see the demon.

The spirit took the form of a black flame floating in the air, but there was no heat. The atmosphere grew cold, sending goosebumps across your skin.

You swallowed hard, afraid the spirit might hurt you again.

Y/N, I need your decision

the spirit said.

It floated closer, slowly engulfing your body. The black flame was icy cold, and you sighed at the contact. Your body began to tremble as if it were trying to freeze you to death. The realization made your hands shake.

“G-give me more days!” you stuttered, not caring if you screamed.

The spirit floated away from you, and as the cold left your body, you coughed and collapsed to your knees, trembling. Tears streamed down your face, falling onto the tatami mat.

You heard the door slide open and saw Dazai looking at you with a worried expression, dressed in his white button-up shirt.

Quickly, you wiped your tears and composed yourself.

“Y/N, what happened to you?” he asked softly, still obviously tired.

Your eyes widened. He asked if you were okay, but didn’t even glance at the floating spirit in front of him. As if Dazai couldn’t see it.

“I just had another panic attack,” you said, and it wasn’t entirely a lie—you really had panicked.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you added, looking down in guilt.

Dazai patted your head and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into a gentle hug.

“Don’t worry about me. Are you okay? I heard you talking to yourself,” he said. Your hands shook with the regret of knowing you’d have to lie to him again.

“I panicked,” you repeated, partly telling the truth.

You pulled away from the hug and glanced at the spirit still lingering there. You tried to keep your composure, smiling at Dazai.

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲||bsd x male reader Where stories live. Discover now