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Harper's eyes flick up at the clock, surprised to see that twenty minutes had passed. Typically she was extremely time-conscious, always hyper-aware of her surroundings. The tension, the rapport building between herself and Spencer was not usual.
She was genuinely curious to hear what he had to say, regardless of the article.
Glancing down at her notes, she felt uncompelled to ask any of the questions staring up at her. She knew she was in dangerous territory, Spencer was slowly revealing more, and Harper was careful not to spook him. Usually, this is the point where she would pull back, lighten the mood. But Spencer was unusual.
"You said earlier that focusing on patterns and psychology helps you to compartmentalise. With the things you've seen, Dr Reid, that cannot be the full story."
He frowns, bothered by Harper's perception.
"You don't know the things I've seen."
Her head tilted almost imperceptibly, the tension in the room palpable.
"I do my research, Spencer. You've seen more than the average share of horrors. It changed you, didn't it?"
He sits up straighter, tapping his fingers against the table quickly.
"People don't change because of what they see. They change because of how they deal with it."
"Exactly. That's what I'm trying to understand."
Silence fills the room, and Harper doesn't break it. Her pulse is unusually fast, she is digging deeper than she expected, and they are both surprised by it.
"You want to understand why people change? You can't.
You can't understand through observing, it's through experience. It's loss, pain, and knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it."
He's no longer speaking in the abstract; he is laying out his feelings. Whether he means to or not. Harper leans in, softly,
"Is that how you feel? Like you can't always 'stop it'?"
Spencer's jaw clenches, and for a moment Harper thinks he might walk out. His expression is constricted by pain, guilt... embarrassment?
"Every day. You think I don't know what people think? Genius this, brilliant that. When it counts – when it really counts – I'm just as helpless as everyone else."
