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Chapter Twelve: Waiting Room
Spencer's desperation had driven him to the point of writing. Surprisingly, he'd never been a big writer – always preferring to read. Writing was Harper's thing. But when she didn't respond to any of his messages or calls for another four days, he started to write letters.
He wrote and rewrote, finding the whole process frustrating. Didn't people say writing was cathartic? Not for Spencer. His brain worked faster than his hand could move, and he struggled to capture his emotions in a sentence. It was the first time language had failed him.
Spencer had begged Hotch to return to work, desperate for the distraction. He had been reluctant, but eventually understanding. Whenever the team went through something, they leant into work. It was the best place for him to be, with his family.
But it also meant they asked questions and gave him pitying looks.
Garcia had asked him about seventeen times if he'd heard from Harper. On the last attempt, Morgan gave her a look.
"Baby, I think the answer is No."
She flustered and wandered off, mumbling that the stress was going to lose her all her blonde hair, and she needed to stop adopting adults. Spencer almost laughed. Almost.
Morgan turned to him, his empathetic expression causing Spencer to stiffen in embarrassment and hurt. He leaned against Spencer's desk, arms crossed casually
"Hey, kid. Haven't seen you crack a smile in... I don't know, weeks?"
Spencer looks up, startled, then forces a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes "I guess I've been a little distracted."
Morgan nodded, his face softening, "I get that. It's been a rough month for everyone. But you especially – you took that hit to the neck, and the other things going on."
Spencer was clearly uncomfortable, avoiding his eye contact. He didn't brush him off though, it felt better to finally talk about it – even if he felt like he was going to be sick.
"Yeah. I know. Just a lot to process." He glances at Morgan, wanting to say more but unsure.
Morgan, who knows Spencer better than most people, notices his hesitation.
"Look, man, you're not alone in this. I know you've got a habit of keeping things to yourself, but you've been carrying too much lately. What happened out there-"
Spencer interrupted him, his defensive tone laced with hurt,
"I know it wasn't my fault, but that doesn't make it easier. Not for Harper, not for anyone."
Morgan gave him a sympathetic look, used to his defensive snapping. "You're feeling guilty, I get that. But Harper? She's going through her own stuff. That's not on you, pretty boy."
