Half a heart

Chapter 85

Trigger Warnings: Anxiety, Mental Health, Emotional Distress

Charlie's POV

The venue was massive-bigger than anything I'd ever seen before. Madison Square Garden. I still couldn't quite believe I was here, part of something this huge. Sitting behind the drum kit for soundcheck, my hands were shaking slightly as I held the sticks. I was trying to calm myself, but the reality of what was happening hit hard.

The boys had asked me to be their drummer for the rest of the tour. I still couldn't wrap my head around it. The responsibility felt like a mountain pressing down on my chest, but at the same time, there was this little part of me-somewhere deep down-that felt ready. I had done it before, and I could do it again... right?

Jacob's voice kept running through my mind, repeating over and over: You've got this, Charlie. You can do it.

The in-ears fitted just for me felt strange at first, but once I sat behind the drums and played through the setlist during soundcheck, I started to relax. The beats came naturally, the rhythm flowing through me. The boys sang, their voices filling the massive space, and I was there, part of it all. It felt unreal.

After soundcheck, we went backstage to get ready for the actual show. I stayed close to Jacob, my weighted blanket wrapped around me like a shield. I wasn't sure if I could get through this, but Jacob kept reminding me to breathe, and that helped.

As we lined up to head on stage, my nerves skyrocketed again. The lights dimmed, the crowd roared, and I could hear the boys getting into position. My heart pounded in my chest.

I sat at the drum kit as the opening effects started on the big screen, waiting for the boys to rise from the stage lifts. I was ready to play the beat for the first song, but then I heard Paul's voice crackle through the in-ears. "Liam, Zayn-your in-ears are down. We need to fix them. Charlie, you'll have to start the first line."

My stomach dropped. Me? Sing the first line? I'd never done that before.

"Charlie, you're okay," Jacob said through the monitors. "Just listen to the timing in your ears and follow the cue. You've got this."

I wasn't so sure, but there wasn't much time to think. The beat started, and so did I. I played the rhythm, trying to keep my hands steady. The crowd's energy surged as they started singing along, which gave me a little confidence. Then the cue came through: Sing.

My throat felt dry, but I took a deep breath and went for it. The first line of the song-"I'm sorry if I say I need ya, but I don't care, I'm not scared of love"-came out soft, almost a whisper. But the crowd didn't seem to mind. I could hear them singing with me, their voices blending with mine. Slowly, I gained a bit more confidence, my voice getting stronger.

As I sang the second line-"'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker, is that so wrong? Is it so wrong?"-the boys started popping up on stage one by one, joining me. My heart was pounding, but I kept going, focusing on the beat and the lyrics.

The rest of the song flowed smoothly, and for a moment, I forgot my nerves. I was just playing. Singing. It felt right.

But then, during "Drag Me Down," I noticed Harry was struggling. His breathing was off, and before I knew it, Louis was helping him off stage to get his inhaler. My pulse quickened again. The song couldn't go on without Harry's high note, and I knew none of the other boys could reach it.

"Charlie," Jacob said through the in-ears, his voice calm and steady. "You've got this. Just lower the mic and sing Harry's part."

I hesitated for a second, but then I did what he said. I slowed the beat, lowered the mic, and started singing Harry's solo: "All my life, you stood by me, when no one else was ever behind me." My voice trembled a bit, but I kept going, and the crowd responded, singing louder than ever.

By the time Harry came back on stage, I was feeling a little more confident. We finished the song, and as we moved into "Story of My Life," Liam turned to me with a smile.

"Charlie, why don't you sing the first half?" he asked. "It's your favorite, isn't it?"

I blinked, completely caught off guard. Singing the first half? In front of all these people?

Before I could even think of an excuse, Paul and Jacob were ready in my ear, giving me the timing. The music started, and once again, I was thrown into the deep end. The first verse came to my lips before I even realized it.

"Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. I leave my heart open, but it stays right here empty for days."

I could hear my voice echo through the venue, mixing with the crowd's cheers. It was surreal, like I was watching myself from somewhere else. The boys smiled at me as I sang, and for the first time, I didn't feel like I was out of place. I felt like I belonged here.

"And I'll be gone, gone tonight, the ground beneath my feet is open wide..." I kept going, the words flowing naturally now. I wasn't scared anymore. I was doing it.

When we finished the song, I couldn't stop smiling. The boys all hugged me, and I could see how proud they were. It meant everything to me.

As we walked off stage, I spotted Nick standing side stage, his phone in hand, filming me. He smiled, mouthing "I'm so proud of you," and I felt a wave of warmth wash over me.

I had done it. I had faced the fear. And I had made it through.