Half a heart

Chapter 57

Trigger Warnings: Anxiety, Mental Health, Emotional Distress

Charlie's POV

The stadium was buzzing with energy as the crowd roared for the boys. Even from backstage, I could feel the vibrations of the music, the excitement of the fans as they screamed out lyrics and cheered for every move. But instead of excitement, all I felt was a tight knot of anxiety in my chest.

I sat in the dressing room, trying to calm my nerves. Jacob was close by, keeping an eye on me, making sure I was okay. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the unease that had settled deep within me.

I wanted to be out there, supporting the boys, but the thought of being surrounded by so many people, of being seen-it was too much. The panic from earlier still lingered, like a shadow hanging over me, threatening to pull me back under.

"Do you want to watch from backstage?" Jacob asked, breaking the silence. His voice was calm, steady, just like it always was.

I hesitated, biting my lip as I considered it. "I don't know, Jacob... I don't want to get in the way."

"You won't be in the way," he assured me. "We can stay close to the stage, but far enough back that you won't be overwhelmed. And if it gets to be too much, we can come right back here."

His words were meant to comfort, and they did, a little. I didn't want to be alone, and I knew the boys would want me to be there, even if it was just from the sidelines.

"Okay," I finally agreed, my voice barely above a whisper. "Let's try."

Jacob gave me a reassuring nod and stood up, leading the way out of the dressing room. The noise grew louder as we got closer to the stage, and my heart started to race again, but I kept going, trying to focus on my breathing like Harry had told me.

When we reached the side of the stage, I could see the boys performing under the bright lights. They were in their element, moving and singing with a confidence that I could only dream of. For a moment, I felt a pang of envy, wishing I could be as fearless as they were.

Jacob stayed close, his presence grounding me as I watched from the shadows. I tried to lose myself in the music, to let the rhythm and melody distract me from the anxiety, but it was hard. The crowd was so loud, so overwhelming, and I could feel the panic bubbling up again, just beneath the surface.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, his voice low, so only I could hear.

I nodded, though I wasn't sure if it was true. "I just need to focus," I whispered, trying to convince myself as much as him.

But as the boys launched into another song, the crowd erupted in cheers, and I flinched at the sudden noise. My hands started to shake, and I could feel the panic clawing its way back. I tried to breathe, to stay calm, but it was no use. It was happening all over again.

"I need to go," I managed to say, my voice trembling.

Jacob didn't hesitate. He guided me back away from the stage, away from the noise and the chaos, but before we could get far, I heard a commotion behind us. I turned just in time to see Harry running off the stage, his face etched with worry.

"Charlie!" he called out, his voice urgent as he rushed over to us.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice strained with panic. "You're supposed to be on stage."

"Forget the stage," Harry said firmly, reaching out to me. "You're more important."

The words hit me hard, and before I knew it, I was crying. The fear, the anxiety, the overwhelming pressure-it all came crashing down at once. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

Harry pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly as I sobbed into his chest. "It's okay, Charlie. I'm here. We're going to get through this."

Jacob stayed close, his hand on my shoulder, grounding me even as the panic tried to take over. The noise of the crowd faded into the background, replaced by the steady sound of Harry's heartbeat, the warmth of his embrace.

"It's too much," I whispered through my tears. "I can't... I can't do this."

"You don't have to," Harry said softly. "You don't have to do anything you're not ready for. We're here for you, no matter what."

I clung to him, trying to absorb the comfort he was offering, but the fear was still there, gnawing at me, refusing to let go. I didn't know how to make it stop, how to find the strength to keep going.

But Harry didn't let go. He stayed with me, holding me close, his presence a lifeline in the storm of my emotions. "You're not alone, Charlie," he whispered. "We're in this together."

As I cried, the weight of the fear and anxiety slowly began to lift, just a little. It wasn't gone-not by a long shot-but it was manageable, at least for now. And as I leaned into Harry, letting his words soothe me, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to face this alone.