Field of Emotions

Chapter 1

Have you ever experienced being back stabbed by others? You know, you're just being nice but they still do such a thing? Hindi naman maiiwasan ang ganong pangyayari lalo na't hindi natin hawak ang isip ng mga taong nakapaligid sa atin. Nakakalungkot lang isipin na minsan kung sino pa ang mga taong akala nating tulungan tayong tumaas ay sila pa ang magbababa sa atin.

My avó (grandmother) always taught me that family should always stick together, through thick and thin, better and for worse.

But I guess our family was an exception.

I grew up in a family where I learned to recognize moods through footsteps, a place where I learned to shut my mouth in order not to be yelled at, and a place which taught me to hide my emotions in order not to be a burden to others.

It was one of the unluckiest afternoons. Pagod ako sa byahe, mabigat ang dalang limang makapal na books, at nilakad ko pa mula sa gate ng subdivision namin papunta dito sa bahay.

Unang bumungad sakin si Mama na nakaupo sa couch at may ginagawa sa laptop niya habang si Ate Amelia ay nakaupo sa tabi niya at nanonood ng TV. My mother was a psychiatrist in Saint Dymphna Mental Hospital, owned by Valentines while my sister was in 10th grade and I was in 8th. I also have older brother, Kuya Liam, a college student and a younger sister, Anastasia, 3 year old. My father owned a company, obviously he was out of the country for a lot of times and barely come home.

"Mama, can I buy pearl earrings?" Ate Amelia asked out of the blue.

"Sure. Saan ba?" Mama asked her most perfect daughter.

Hindi inaasahang nadulas sa pagkakahawak ko ang mga books dahilan para makuha ko ang atensyon nila. Ate Amelia rolled her eyes and Mama looked at me, brows furrowed.

"Clumsy." anas ni Ate Amelia.

Agad kong pinulot ang books at lumapit kay Mama para sana mag-mano pero tumingin lang siya sa akin.

"Ma, akyat na po ako sa taas." saad ko at ngumiti sa dalawa.

"Dios mio! Umakyat ka na lang kung gusto mo! We will talk later about your failing grades, Aellanna. Pabaya ka talaga kahit kailan!" she exclaimed, making me flinch.

Failing grades. Siya kasi ang kumuha ng report card ko kahapon. Tinanong ko naman ang adviser ko tungkol sa grades ko sabi niya mataas naman daw. Isa pa din ako sa students na running for With high honors.

Malungkot akong tumango. Even before I could step on the staircase, I already heard Ate Amelia's false accusations about me. "Ma, hayaan mo na po yung batang 'yon. Nahahighblood ka tuloy eh wala namang ginawa yan kundi suwayin ka. She's so ungrateful. Hindi man lang nag-aaral, lagi na lang kasing nasa galaan." sabi niya kay Mama.

I scoffed at hearing those words. Galaan? Hindi ba sarili niya ang tinutukoy niya? I have never been out of this town ever since Avo died. Maybe sa bahay nina Gab o Alexa, pero sa malayong lugar? No. Araw-araw akong subsob sa pag-aaral para lang makuha ko ang atensyon nina Mama at Papa but here I am...receiving the same harsh words they said that "fits" my personality the most. Palibhasa kasi habang lumalaki ako, madalas kay Ate at Kuya ang focus nilang dalawa kaya naiiwan ako noon kay Avo.

Mama sighed in disappointment. "I can't believe she failed! I worked hard to pay her tuition but this is what I will get in return?! Why can't she be like you?"

Be like Ate Amelia? No and never.

I didn't mind her remarks even though it felt like my heart was stabbed continuously. Palagi na lang nila akong kino-kumpara kay Ate at Kuya.

Why can't you be like Liam? Look at his grades! Why can't you be like Amelia? So prim and proper. Why can't you be like your Ate and Kuya? Such perfect children. Why can't you be like them? Why can't you—blah, blah, blah.