Field of Emotions

Chapter 31

TW: Suicide attempt

Minsan kapag akala mo lumalakad ka na sa tamang landas ng buhay, may kung anong ilalagay ka ulit sa isang makitid at miserableng daan. Sa dinami ng pinagdaanan ko, bakit kailangan ako pa?

"Ysa, sorry."

With that line, my tears once again fall onto my cheeks. I stared blankly at Alexa, she was crying as she continuously apologized. I felt numb again after almost years of living the life. Hindi ko yata kayang pakinggan ang susunod na salitang lalabas sa bibig niya.

Sunod na pumasok si Ezekielle at Deia and I stared blankly at them.

"Ysabelle..." Deia whispered between her sobs as she hugged me.

"M-my daughter? N-nasaan siya?" I asked her. Maybe my daughter made it, right? Wala naman masama kung umasa ako diba?

"I'm sorry...alam kong m-magagalit ka sakin, but I have to choose you." Alexa sobbed. "S-sorry...I have to save only one."

Natatanga ako sa mga naririnig ko. I lost her...I lost my child.

"N-no...not my child." I whispered.

"S-she lost oxygen inside you, Ysabelle." Deia started. "The m-moment we rushed you to the hospital...she lost heartbeat."

"Hindi patay ang anak ko, Alexa... please. Magsabi naman kayo ng totoo. Hindi patay si Alynnah." I cried. "Hindi patay yung anak ko."

"Isa lang kasi, Ysa. We can't save the two of you." Deia cried as she hugged me.

Nagpumiglas ako sa yakap niya. hindi ko kailangan ng yakap ngayon. Kailangan ko si Alynnah. Siya na lang ang rason yung bakit gusto kong mabuhay. She was my only reason to live and yet I lost her. Hindi ba sobra-sobra na? I prayed for Alynnah's safety and life yet He still decided to take it away from me. 

"Sian? Did he come?" I asked, whispering.

Natigilan si Alexa sa tanong ko pero umiling agad. "H-he didn't come."

Paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang sinabi ni Alexa sa utak ko. Why? I thought he cared about our child?

Then suddenly a male nurse resembling the stranger who harassed me came in. My mind automatically remembered who it was. Why is he here? Papatayin niya ba kami? He can't hurt us. He should be in jail.

"Ahhh! Demonyo ka! You killed my daughter! You should be in jail! Napakababoy mo!" sigaw ko at nagbabato ng gamit kaya agad akong niyakap nina Alexa at Deia.

"Nurse, mamaya na lang po." Utos ni Ezekielle kaya agad na lumabas ang nurse.

"He had no mercy! He killed my child! He killed my daughter!" Sigaw ko ulit at nagpumiglas kina Alexa. "Bitawan ninyo ako!"

"Ysabelle, what are you saying? Please calm down."

"Calm down, Ysa. No one's gonna hurt you."

But I didn't listen. Even though they were hugging me, I could feel that man's hands on my body, his lips on my skin, and it made me disgusted. Napakadumi ko na.

"He killed my child! He's a demon! He's supposed to be in jail! He's a criminal! He killed my Alynnah!" Sunod-sunod na sigaw ko.

My breathing was fast after. Kasabay non ay ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko at malamig ang butil ng pawis mula sa noo ko. My lips were dry but my tears were unstoppable. Kagaya din ng dati ang nangyari. Parang nauulit lang lahat ng nangyayari sa akin. It was unending and tiring cycle of events.

Hinawakan ko ang tiyan ko. Hindi na ganon kalaki iyon pero isa lang ang nasa sistema ko. Wala na ang batang matagal kong inalagaan sa loob ng sinapupunan ko at dahil iyon sa akin.