Field of Emotions

Chapter 11

For the whole week, everything was like a cycle. Gigising ako, kakain, makikinig sa sigaw nina Mama at Papa sa isa't isa, papasok, mag-aaral, pupunta sa journalism room para sa training, pupunta sa debate room, lalabas, uuwi ng nahay, makikinig ulit ng sigawan, hindi kakain ng hapunan, iiyak ng tahimik, tutulog. I'm getting tired of it.

The draining became more draining, the easy tasks became hard, the genuine became forced. The smiles that once came naturally now feel like a mask I have to put on every day. The laughter that used to fill my heart now sounds hollow to my own ears. The joy I once found in my daily routines has been replaced with a sense of dread. The world around me continues to move in its usual rhythm and I feel like I'm in a loop of time not able to move forward.

Nakahiga ako ngayon sa kama habang nakatitig sa kisame, Anastacia was at my side, sleeping peacefully. Mama and Papa were still arguing in the living room. Same reason, Mama hating Papa on having an affair with Tita Celestia. It's also the reason why I find it hard to interact with Celestine. I stopped when someone called on my phone.

📞Cool four😎 calling 📞

Sinagot ko ang tawag at unang bumungad sakin ang boses ni Alexandra.

"Eyyyy, what's up Ysa? How are you?" Alexa's voice rang out cheerfully from the other end of the line.

Mabuti pa siya walang problema.

I forced a smile, even though I knew she couldn't see it. "Hey, Alexa. I'm good. How about you?"

I was about to answer when I heard another voice on the line.

"Hey, Ysa! It's Celestine. We missed you at practice today. Is everything okay?" Celestine's voice was full of concern, and I felt a pang of guilt. I had been avoiding her ever since I found out about Papa's affair with her mom.

"Hi, Celestine," I greeted, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm sorry I missed practice. I've just been...busy."

There was a pause, then another voice chimed in. "Busy crying, you mean?" Gabrienne's voice was full of teasing, but there was an undercurrent of worry there too.

Then I received a message from her through private message.

Gabrienne

Hindi mo pinakita wrist mo sa akin almost 1 week na. Is there something wrong?

"Gabrienne!" I couldn't help but laugh, despite everything. "I'm not crying." 

I was...I am crying. Pagod na ako. 

Tears streamed down my cheeks. Kahit ako ay hindi alam kung paano ko pa nakuhang tumawa gayong napapabayaan ko na ang sarili ko. Parang nakikipaglokohan na lang ako sa mundo. 

"Hoy! Wait lang! Wait lang! Hala what happened?" Alexa's voice cut through my laughter, out of her curiosity. "Sino umaaway sa Ate Ysabelle ko? Tara abangan na yan sa gate."

"Ysabelle? What's the problem? Tell us naman oh." Celestine's voice was softer, more concerned. I could hear the worry in her tone, and it made my heart ache.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's a long story, guys," I said, my voice sounding tired even to my own ears. "I just... I just need some time to sort things out, okay?"

There was a pause, and then Gabrienne's voice came through, sounding more serious than I'd ever heard her before. "Hey, Ysa. You know we're here for you, right? Whatever it is, you can tell us. We're your friends."

I felt a lump in my throat, touched by their words. "I know, guys. And I appreciate it. I really do. I just... I need to figure this out on my own."

There was another pause, and then Alexa spoke up. "Kung space need mo, sige. Pero don't hesitate to run to us when things got too heavy, okay? Kung sino man umaaway sayo, aabangan ko s agate tapos bibigyan ko ng kutos isa-isa."