𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✹ 𝐠. 𝐠𝐢𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐱𝐢 - 𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞

Gibsie

To say I was devastated was an understatement. Minute by tantalizing minute went on since I dropped off Haven to her date with Neal. I couldn't get the image off of my head about just how good she looked in her little pink dress on her way to a date with someone. Someone who wasn't me. I know it's wrong for me to act or even remotely feel this way about her, we weren't anything and we are not even remotely close to being more than friends. My desires to take things further with her would stay as they were, simple futile desires.

I dropped her off on time and stood parked outside for maybe longer than I should've. My heart and mind were racing all while she walked in and I could faintly see her through the restaurant windows that faced the street. I felt a knot in my gut as I pictured Haven sitting with stupid Neal O'Connor, laughing and blushing and having a good time while he treated her right and made her smile and feel giddy. With my knuckles clenched around the wheel I drove back home maybe a bit more recklessly than usual. In all honesty I was a terrible driver, Johnny scolded me all the time that I took risks behind the wheel no person in their sane mind would. I only drove "properly" when Haven was in the car and I know she's the only person I would follow Irish street rules for.

I stayed on my couch for what felt like years just scrolling mindlessly through my phone and flicking through tv channels trying to keep my mind off of Haven and Neal. I nearly jumped off my skin when my phone buzzed in my pocket and I checked it to find a message from Haven-'pick me up pretty please??' it read. I sent her a text in under a second replying I was on my way.

On the way there I kept drumming my fingers against the steering wheel and as she approached the car, I took myself out of my slouched position and sat straight. "So," I began with a small smile on my lips "how was the date?"
She fastened her seatbelt and gave me a simple reply "It was okay."

I felt a pang of jealousy. I didn't want her date to be okay. I wanted it to be a complete disaster. I wanted her to hate it with a burning passion that would keep her away from everyone forever.

"Just okay?" I mused, keeping my voice casual but my grip on the steering wheel said another story.

"I mean yeah, he's a nice guy, sweet and all." She fiddled with her fingers "But I've never gone on other dates before so I don't have anything to compare it with."

I tried not to show annoyance in my voice. "Haven you don't need to have experience on dates to be able to differentiate a good date from a bad one."

"Yeah but still. Like it wasn't bad at all I just got a little awkward but that's normal, I tend to get like that so it's okay." She rushed the words out. I nodded along to what she told me and I knew for a fact how awkward she could get. I'd witnessed it a lot over the years and I loved it every single time. The way she stumbled on her words and fiddled with her hair when she was put on the spot made her look so cute.

"Did he try to kiss you?"

"I think he wanted to?" She began and I wanted to crash the car (but first get her out of the vehicle because I don't want her getting hurt) "But I freaked and thankfully you got here so I left"

I was relieved that they didn't kiss. "Did you want to kiss him?" I ask, my voice holding an edge to it. "I dunno, maybe?"

My chest tightened and it felt physically hard to breathe, almost as if I was underwater gasping for air. In all honesty I didn't want her to kiss stupid Neal. "Would you go on another date with him?" I asked after a beat.

"I think I could." She answered after thinking about it "That's if he liked me enough to ask me out again of course." I nodded over her response.

The idea of her going on another date with Neal O'Connor made my blood boil. The idea of her getting a potential boyfriend, one that couldn't be me made me physically ill. I was quiet for some time, letting the idea of Neal and Haven simmer in my head. It didn't rub me right at fucking all.

"Are you okay?" She broke the silence, looking at me with a concerned expression. I unfurrowed my brows that I didn't know I was furrowing.

"Yeah, just a bit tired, that's all." I reply, giving her a reassuring smile. She cocked an eyebrow that made her look so undeniably attractive. She gave me a hum of acknowledgement that let me know she knew I wasn't just tired. She just decided not to pry. I so badly wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her everything, how I knew I've loved her from the first moment I saw her, how jealous I am of Neal O'Connor right now, how I would give up everything for her, how the thought of Neal touching and kissing her made me want to strangle him until his eyes pop out with my bare hands.

I needed her and only her. I despised with burning passion the thought of Haven with anyone else. She kept giving me weird side glanced which made balance so close to the edge of grabbing her shoulders and telling her everything I'm thinking, how in my head she's always been my girl from the minute we met, telling her all the things I could and will do to her if I got the chance and how willing I would be to open up to her. She was so close I felt her presence besides me and it took so much restraint to keep my eyes on the road.

By the time I pulled up in front of her house my neck was taut with tension. I turned off the ignition and turned to look at her. Her brows were still furrowed. "Are you sure you're okay? I don't like seeing you this way, so stressed you know." She said softly, leaning forward ever so slightly, unaware of how she made my body react.

I gave her a tight lipped smile and repeated my lie, hoping she would take the bait this time "Yeah I'm okay. It's just been a long day."

"Okay if you say so." She murmured, reaching over for her handbag "Thanks so much for the lift home, and please go get some sleep."

My mind was racing and I was certainly not sleeping tonight.

"Yeah I will, good night Haven" I said quietly as she got out of the car and gave me her signature Haven sheepish smile.

I took a shuddering breath and stayed in her driveway until she was safely tucked inside her house. The drive home was quiet until I turned on the music and for the first time, I didn't change the radio station when a One Direction song that I knew Haven loved so much played.

At home I laid on my bed in restlessness all night just staring up at the ceiling. Everytime I closed my eyes all I could picture was Haven. Her smiling, her laughing, her at the beach, her cooking, her reading, her doing mundane activities. My thoughts were consumed by her and I hated how much I wanted her.

When I actually managed to fall asleep it wasn't long until my dreams were plagued with the horrifying image of Haven kissing Neal and then the kiss turned into a deeper one and then clothes hit the floor and you get the image of what happened next. I woke up in a cold sweat.

I felt sick at the image and didn't try sleeping after that. I fumbled for my cigarette box on my bedside table. Johnny hated it when I smoked and told me to stop, but I didn't. Haven hated it when I smoked so I started trying to leave the habit. But right now? I needed one. I needed a distraction and I needed cold reality slapped into my face hard.

I couldn't think clearly. Not in the car with her around me and her perfume lingering on my nose and not right now when even though she's far away, thoughts of her cloud my senses.

✹✹✹

author's note;

hi loves! going back into present time after the whole flashback chapter, here we have the aftermath of the date in gibsie's perspective. I'm gonna let you know from now ch 12 is going to be on the shorter side but I really wanted to expand on Gerard's perspective since I think we've been getting a lot of how haven feels but not enough of how he feels.I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you all so so much for 4k reads, it means the world to me.don't forget to comment and vote if you feel like it!

word count; 1442