𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✹ 𝐠. 𝐠𝐢𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐱𝐯𝐢 - 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬

Haven

Someone please explain to me what is going on because I'm confused. Ma always told me retracing your past actions on a subject can help you clear your head when you're puzzled babout an issue. So, let's do a little recap, yeah?

Four days ago Gerard started ignoring and avoiding me.
Today I went out with mom and we talked and the whole conversation opened my eyes or whatever.
Eight minutes ago Paul and George scared me to death,
Three minutes ago Gerard looked like he was about to kiss me.
Kiss. Me.
Like, place his lips on mine in the middle of my kitchen, pent up frustration, forbidden connection, 'we shouldn't be doing this', 'you're my best friend's little sister but i need you', type of kiss.
Two minutes ago stupid Neal bombarded my phone and Gerard had to go.

I was now in my room, Scream playing on my laptop as I was distracted by Stu Macher and Gerard at the same time. Which one overpowered my thoughts more was a question I couldn't give you the answer to. My phone kept constantly ringing and I wasn't sure if it was Neal or the group chat with my friends so with a loud groan, I decided to just see what Neal wanted because it was actually him. There were a plethora of messages so I read one by one.

'hey'
'You there?'
'hellooooo'
'Haven??'
'are you ignoring me??'
'come on answer your phone'
'where'd you go???'

Each one was more persistent than the rest so I was genuinely planning on ghosting him, but magically he became online and could see I was online too. So I just decided to answer.
'sorry, my phone died, what's up?'

I hit send and didn't think much of it because I wasn't thinking he'd reply right away. But as per usual I was wrong because his reply came less than a second later.
'got me worried there for a sec, thought you were avoiding me'

Who's going to tell him I was? I played it safe with a nice little excuse because I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him for much longer.
'i told you i was out with my mom and i didn't want to be on my phone while spending quality time with her'

And I also wasn't interested in thinking about you while I unpacked how I felt for someone I've liked for so long and just recently I began to explore the possibility the feelings might be mutual.
'yeah sorry, my bad'
'So um, did you think about what we talked about? Because i kind of got something planned and i wanted you to be okay with it'

His last message prompted me to remember what we talked about. I even tried scrolling up our messages but each text was more unamisung than the past one and I couldn't find a single hint as to what the hell he was talking about.

Then I remembered, he wanted me to go to a party. A big end of spring break one with his friends.
'About the party you wanted me to go to?'

His reply came in less than a second
'Yep, that one. Tomorrow night and it starts at 8. You should really come with me, i wanna see you there
'plus you'll be all dressed up which i'd love to see'
'who know, maybe you and i can have some fun alone afterwards'

His last two messages made me uneasy and uncomfortable.
'Neal where is it even being held? I have to ask my parents'

I didn't think he could reply faster, but boy was I wrong.
'Jack Johnson's place. its huge and his parents are out of town so it'll be wild'
'Can I call you? I want to hear you sweet little voice and i'm sick of you just texting me lately'

Okay, weirdo sorry for not wanting to listen to your annoying voice. I was about to reply no but his call came quicker than expected. So I just replied. "So as I was saying, don't worry about permission. Just tell your mom you're out for a movie with a friend or something and you'll sleep over at her place. No biggie" Neal's voice rang through my phone.

What happened to hello? How are you? I think his manners are as bad as George's and Paul's. I shut my eyes and suppressed a sigh as I paused Scream and laid my head on my pillow, my dog Atlas cuddling by my side. "Yes biggie, of course yes biggie. I can't just lie to them like that Neal" I try to reason "If they find out I'll lose their trust and trust is something I value"

His response was filled with disbelief and judgment "Are you kidding me? Are you seriously going to ask for permission? First of all they'll say no because there will be alcohol. Second of all, are you ten years old? Aren't you past asking for permission to go out?"

I take a deep calming breath, fighting murderous thoughts. "Neal, I'll ask my parents because I am not keen on being grounded forever. I'd rather them say no and have them trust me than sneak out and risk losing a connection I value with people I love"
"God you're such a chicken. It's going to suck if you don't go. Just lie. Do it for me please"

I took another calming breath "I'll ask and then get back to you. Let me put the call on hold and call them." And without waiting for his response, I put him on hold.

What was wrong with him? Seriously this wasn't like the nice Neal I met, he was acting so...immature. I wasn't planning on calling my parents right now so I left him on hold to just bask in quietness for a second. I guess he got annoyed because his little clown show kept on going and he hung up the phone and began bombarding me with texts for the second time today.
'Don't put me on hold'
'And don't ignore me either, you know it pisses me off'

Now what i replied can be categorized as mean according to my standards, but he deserved it okay?
'Jesus can you stop being so clingy? Get a hobby or a life or both and leave me to deal with my parents alone'

He replied in record timing
'What the hell is wrong with you? I'm trying to plan something fun for both of us'
'And don't turn your phone off, i'm not done talking to you'

That's exactly what I did. I left him on read for a few hours and finished Scream, deciding to call Ma and ask her to go. She was excited, I think, because I never asked her to go out like that. She said Johnny was also going and after a brief chat with him he said he's going and he could drive me over at 10.

Later at night I texted Neal 'hey, my ma said i could go. Johnny's taking me'

Neal replied and his answer(s) wasn't what I expected
'Oh i didnt expect her to say yes'
'And wdym johnny's taking you? Why can't I? you prefer him, really? Jeez nice to know where i stand cause i really wanted to arrive with YOU since we're going TOGETHER'

That got me angry again, the amount of attitude someone as average size (5'8, by the way) as him holds is kind of amusing really. Like he's sassier and more attitude filled that Johnny, and lord knows Johnny has attitude.
'yes, below him. He's my brother, my blood, so he's above you. I'll still go just later okay? No need to get your panties in a twist over something so silly like what time i'm getting to the stupid party'

His last message came back laced with clear irritation
'Whatever, just don't come too late. People will already be drinking by the time you get here'

I ignored him for the rest of the night and concentrated on Grease the musical movie. I liked that movie, mainly because it was one of Gerard's favorites even though he'd never admit it to anyone. The whole interaction with Neal had left me mentally exhausted and we hadn't even spoken face to face. When the movie was over I closed my laptop grateful for the stillness that followed. The rugby team had left because it was well over 1 in the morning and my mind drifted off to the party. The chances of Gerard being there were high, he never missed on those, and the prospect of just being surrounded by a bunch of drunken and hazy teenagers filled me with a buzz I wasn't sure how to handle.

I didn't know if my friends were going, I was pretty sure Dove was because Saorise was still in England and Kaileigh was doing God knows what tomorrow. There was the good side of tomorrow which meant having fun with my friends and seeing Gerard happy and laughing and carefree. The downside was well, hanging out with Neal but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I curled in a ball and closed my eyes, chasing sleep that came quickly.

Was I ready? Obviously not.
Would I be ready? If I wasn't I would force myself to be

✹✹✹
author's note;
hi loves! first, I'm so so sorry for the late update. life's been hectic lately but hey, here it finally is. second, I hate neal. and third, next couple chapters will be good I promise.
thanks so much for reading and don't forget to comment an vote!

word count; 1525