𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✹ 𝐠. 𝐠𝐢𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐱𝐱𝐱 - 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩

Haven

The air was cold and humid, the noise deafening and the bleachers shaking with the weight of hundreds of coat and puffer jacket clad students. My friends had dragged me out of my bed to stand next to sweaty students and wet metal benches while gorilla sized teen boys tackled each other into the ground.

I actually enjoyed rugby, don't get me wrong, but not today. Today I didn't want anything to do with the stupid sport and even less when I could so clearly see the face of a player who two days ago shattered my hopes and took my heart while he was at it. It had been two days of numbness, two days of crying and two days of asking myself if hurting the way I did because of his words and previous actions was worth it.

Because it was.

At least for me it was because for Gerard Gibson I would've hurt and ruined myself countless times.

The crowd erupted into makeshift chants as Tommen's very own Johnny Kavanagh surged forward, the green in his jersey meshing with the emerald field. "I don't understand rugby" saoirse complained

"Me either but it's fun to see them throw each other to the grass" Dove added, yelling the now new chat invented by the crowds. My heart clenched time and time again as I effortlessly spotted Gerard's messy hair, now sticking to his forehead from sweat, and his stocky body flew through the field. For someone so big he ran fast.

We hadn't spoken since I told him to get out of my house the other day, but each time I crossed a hall at school or I saw him at lunch, his eyes were always on me. He didn't even try to hide it.

The air was almost electric, energy rippling in waves from the stands to the players. The game was tied with few minutes left on the board.
Then it happened.

A very sudden, very unprovoked collision sent Gerard flying and with a one way ticket to the ground. He still had the ball clutched close to his chest and complaints erupted from the crowd as well from the players on the field. The referee called a time out and the other team huddled up on the side, while Johnny and Feely rushed over to see if their flanker was okay. Even from here I could notice he wasn't okay. Kaileigh's hand went to my forearm when she noticed the blood drain from my face immediately. "He's okay Haven don't worry" she tried to comfort me but i could notice the wavering in her voice betraying that she was just saying it to calm me down "he's a big boy okay? He trains for this, he'll get up"

No matter how much hurt he brought to me he was still important. He still mattered. Seconds ticked and I watched his chest heave from the grass while I willed him to move. Finally, with a grimace he managed to pull himself up. Wobbly at first, but then nothing could break his stride. He was hurt but unbroken.

The crowd cheered as they placed themselves and the game carried on. Tommen returned to the pitch with newfound courage and motivation. Whoever messed with their sunshine player got the rough treatment and it seemed that now they were even more eager to tackle and throw people into the grass.

Every pass and tackle felt sharper and movements were precise. As the final seconds ticked, the ball found itself in Hughie Bigg's arms. With a surge of energy, he broke through the defense and passed it just in time. The winger caught it and dove over the try line. The referee's whistle cut through the chaos and victory for Tommen was inevitable.

People jumped around making the bleachers shake as I caught Gerard looking back, his eyes zeroing on me. I was angry, that was for sure, but I couldn't help the smile that crept into my face.

Dove, Saorise and Kaileigh fled the scene as quickly as possible, not wanting to be in the cold anymore. We'd agreed to meet at Dove's for a sleepover, but I would get there later. I had to go see my brother plus he would be my lift there. The pitch started to empty up while I stood near the player's exit, relatives and girlfriends scattered around.

Shannon stood near me but without interacting, Johnny's alternate jersey from this season pooling around her body. Lizzie Young was clicking her obnoxiously long nails on her phone while Claire chatted with Shan. I wiped my cold hands on Johnny's U18 green jersey with a big '13' on my back and our shared last name on bold white letters.

As soon as I spotted my brother leave the locker rooms I rushed straight past his girlfriend and clung myself to him, not caring if he was sweaty or smelly. A deep chuckle echoed from his chest as he hugged me back. After a second he placed me back on the ground. "I'm so proud of you Johnny" I praised "you played so so well"

He thanked me with a big smile and our moment was cut short when Shannon let out a squeal and brushed past me to jump into his boyfriend's arms. I tried to be happy for them, for my brother, but today I couldn't pretend I was okay with being left on the backburner when he was around Shan.

"Hey Johnny I'll go wait by the car" I announced, not waiting or caring if he heard and turned on my heels, making a beeline for his Audi parked in the parking lot. I fought back tears that I wasn't sure why they were forming.

I wasn't jealous of Johnny and Shannon, it wasn't like I wanted their relationship. I just envied that they could be so public and I wallowed in the unfairness of my situation. They never would know how lucky they are that the people they love weren't scared to be publicly seen with them.

I leaned against the car's hood when I caught a glimpse of him. His head was down and he appeared to have a slight limp, favoring his left leg over the right one. I pretended I didn't see him, but some sort of interaction was inevitable since his car was parked right next to my brother's. When he noticed me, his eyes widened in surprise and the glow seemed to return in them. "Hey Haven"

"Hi Gerard" I said
We stood in awkward quietness until I willed myself to talk again "How are you? That tackle was pretty nasty"

He let out a soft chuckle "Yeah it was, but I'll live"

"I didn't think you'd come" he said, taking a step closer so he's leaning right next to me on his own car's hood

"Supporting you guys it's sort of a usual for me" I mused, looking at him and I wasn't exactly lying. Ever since Johnny and Gerard had been playing for Tommen I'd been at almost every game. It was natural and I wasn't letting an argument get in the way of my routine.

"I'll always come, Gerard" My eyes searched his face which seemed to be softening with my words "Even when it feels like I shouldn't"

The tension between us crackles through the air and it's thick enough that it makes a lump form in my throat. His eyes darted around my face, falling to my lips and then back up. Mine do the same. I shouldn't want this.

"Can I?" he whispered, the question rushed and packed with emotion

I shouldn't say yes. I can't say yes, even if I want to.

"Yes" I whispered back

It always seems like I bend my morals when it comes to him. Always have always will apparently.

He cups my face in his hands and brings my lips to his, connecting them in a kiss. It wasn't rushed or heavy, it was tender and soft. It was like this was the only way for him to communicate the feelings he was too scared to say out loud; and for a fleeting moment I forget everything.

I forget about our fight
I forget about the flirting
I forget about the secrecy and the knife digging on my back at all times
I forget about the lying
I forget about Johnny

Here's the thing about forgetting: it never lasts long enough for you to save you from the consequences.

"What the fuck is this?" A voice booms, angry and unkempt, which makes us jump out of our skins and fleet away from each other

✹✹✹

author's note;

hi loves! double update omg???? I think we all know where this is headed and um yeah, shits getting real

anyways I don't have much to say apart that im exhausted and need sleep, love you all thanks for reading and don't forget to vote and comment!

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