𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✹ 𝐠. 𝐠𝐢𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐧

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐢 - 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲

Gibsie

How quickly can someone kill themselves?
What if I hauled myself off the Kavanagh house's roof? It was tall enough, surely I wouldn't survive the fall.

I wanted to gauge my eyes out and burn off my hearing nerves while I was at it. Why on Earth had I agreed to that stupid set up date was truly beyond me. But she looked so happy when I half joked that I would do it. I couldn't bear to see her sad when I said I wouldn't do it because I was joking.

Seeing her excited when she guessed who it was felt like a thousand stabs to my poor heart who should really win an Olympic medal for how it was running so hard.

Neal O'Connor wasn't a bad guy. He was the best out of the population in Tommen who would kill to get a single shot with sweet little Haven. Being the rugby team captain's little sister sure enough made her catch attention, it didn't help that she was stunning, or that she was nice, or that she was innocent and never had experience of any sorts with guys. As a guy myself, we ate that shit up. We were suckers for inexperienced girls because it opened so many damn doors. It made them more open, it made us feel like we had more control because we knew more. 

Back to Neal, he wasn't a bad person. He was respectful, smart, not too bad looking and an overall decent guy. A guy Johnny would accept, reluctantly, but accept nonetheless. He was the perfect set up. But I didn't want Haven on a date with stupid Neal, I wanted her with me. I could protect her, I could be kind, I could love her, hell I'd even listen to the stupid music she loves so much if that meant seeing a smile on her face. The single thought of her with Neal made me want to punch his perfectly straight teeth off. I was going to have to sit here and watch her smiling face while we talked about her date and pretend to be happy, pretend I want this for her. It was going to be pure and absolute torture.

When she asked how she should dress and I said casual, I hoped she'd show up on a potato sack or trash bag so she'll scare him off and I could have her for myself. But then again, I don't think anyone would turn down Haven Kavanagh, potato sack or no potato sack.

It physically hurt to see her wrap her pretty lips around the spoon with cereal when in 24 hours, she'll probably replace the spoon with Neal O'Connor's mouth. Then, my heart jackknifed on my chest when she asked how dates work.  I found it quite endearing but then remembered she's asking for Neal O'Connor and I wanted to kill myself all over again.

"Well, it's pretty simple," I tried to explain. "you just hang out, watch a movie or eat or something, and talk and get to know each other."

She furrowed her brows and leaned forward, I dug my nails on my thighs "Aren't there things you're like, not supposed to do?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.

"I guess don't act so nervous...or weird." I explain, really not knowing how to put this into words.

"But I am nervous sometimes." She tells me and I chuckle.

"You'll be fine Haven, don't sweat it" I reassure kindly and I hate myself for giving her advice on a date with someone who could end up being her first kiss or even first boyfriend.

"What if he doesn't like me and only goes because I'm pretty?" She asked, her face contorted into one of nervousness. I fought the urge to reach out and place my hand on top of hers.

I snorted. What if he doesn't like me? "You are pretty." I teased.

She reached over the counter and slapped me in the arm, not hard enough to hurt and I laughed. "I mean personality wise you bleeding idiot." She groaned.

I leaned over and playfully tugged at one of her messy french (or were they dutch?) braids that I'm sure she'd slept on. "That's his problem, not yours." I said simply "And he's an actual idiot for not liking all of you, personality included."

I saw her cute little face look puzzled for a second and my poor heart stopped for the second time today. "What happens if he tries to kiss me?" She blurted out, and it took me a second to gather my thoughts as a weird feeling of something cruised through me. I dug my nails deeper into my thighs and got an urge to punch a wall.

Don't punch a wall, don't do it, keep it together, do it for her.

I just shrugged "Then you...kiss him back, I guess"

She furrowed her eyebrows and spoke with a quiet voice "I don't know how to kiss, Gerard."

The words felt painful as they left my mouth, like actual knives were cutting my vocal cords "You just move your lips against his, it's simple really" I could teach you. STOP IT GIBSIE.

She looked like what I said was very anticlimactic "That's it?" she asked, her tone betraying how let down she felt by my answer. "Isn't there something you have to do to make it, I dunno, better? What do girls do when they kiss you?"

I probably shouldn't be answering these questions, but she was asking and looking at me with those big blue eyes, I just couldn't say no.

"Well they...bite your lip a little." I say with a sigh, hating this more by the second "And they also like...run their hands through your hair a bit." I continued hesitantly, thinking maybe this was taking it a bit far "And they also pull you closer, like this." I reached over through the countertop and lightly tugged on the end of her messy braid, wrapping her soft hair around my fingers. I watched with my heart on my throat as her eyes moved from mine to her hair, still curled around my finger. I had taken it too far, I know, but I had to fight back the impulse to just tug it harder.

My thoughts wandered to dangerous places.
What would it feel like to have her bite my lip?
What would it feel like to have her run her hands through my hair?
What would it feel like to have her tug me closer?

Her voice snapped me out of my dangerous thoughts, growing more lewd by the second. "Um" She murmured. "Thanks for the advice Gibs." I almost missed the way she didn't call me Gerard like she always did, I doubt she noticed, but I certainly did.

I dropped my hand from her hair and brought it back to my thigh "No problem Haven." I murmured back. The tension in the room was so thick it could be cut with a knife. She had her lips parted and her eyes slightly widened, making her look even more attractive if that was possible. I couldn't look away, it was as if her face just was a magnet and I was metal. I saw her cheeks get rosier and the way she fiddled with the sleeves of her hoodie. My body itched to go over the counter and grab her and just kiss her senseless, actively teaching her all the things I just explained to her. But I couldn't.

The front door of her house opened and closed. Johnny was back. I heard the voice of a girl who I assumed was Shannon and then followed up by another. My best guess? Claire. She was Shan's best friend, wherever Shan went, the blonde went and vice versa.

"Gibs where are ya?" Johnny's voice boomed through his house. Haven moved her eyes from mine and I did too. I couldn't look at her, not after all the things I'd just imagined.

"Kitchen!" I called back, making myself busy while looking at my phone. Haven distracted herself by serving more cereal in her bowl. But with no milk, because she said it made it soggy.

"God Johnny I love your house!" Someone spoke and immediately, I could recognize that high pitched voice anywhere. I was right, it was Claire.

Johnny entered the kitchen with his hand on Shannon's waist and just chuckled at Claire's words, who entered right behind him.

Life has a funny way of messing with you; and I got my karma from tugging on Haven's braids and imagining unspeakable things with her in the form of Claire Bigg's eyes falling straight onto me.

✹ ✹ ✹

author's note;
hi loves! this was one of the chapters I enjoyed writing the most out of the ones I've written and I loved phrasing the little dynamic between haven and gerard while she asked questions. let me know your thoughts on the story so far and whatever predictions or ideas you may have for the future. thank you again so so much for reading and being along for the ride, it means the world to me.

word count; 1463