Chapter 17: Enter the Glitter Dragon (And Some Unfortunate Heroic Decisions)
It didn’t take long. One minute, the village was peaceful—quiet even—and I was savoring my small victory over the Glitterpocalypse. The next, the ground was shaking underfoot, and a deep, otherworldly roar echoed through the valley.
“Oh no,” I muttered, already dreading the inevitable. “Please don’t tell me I just summoned a dragon made of glitter.”
Fluffbuns flew up, wings buzzing nervously. “Technically, it’s not just a glitter dragon. It’s The Glitter Dragon. You know, as in the ancient, nigh-unstoppable, kinda legendary one? I think it was, uh… asleep up there?”
I threw my hands up. “Of course! Why wouldn’t this world have a gigantic glitter dragon just sleeping in the hills like a ticking, sparkly time bomb?”
Snoofles, ever the optimist, was practically bouncing in excitement. “A glitter dragon? This is the best day ever!”
I glared at him. “Are you serious right now? That thing is probably as big as a castle and could crush us with a sneeze.”
Before Snoofles could retort, the dragon’s massive, glittering head rose over the hill, its eyes gleaming with an unsettling mixture of curiosity and pure, sparkly fury. It was like the largest, most terrifying piñata I’d ever seen, complete with scales that glittered in every color of the rainbow and giant, luminescent wings that seemed to stretch for miles.
And then it roared. It was deafening, an earth-shaking sound that made everyone in the village clap their hands over their ears. Worst of all, with every breath, the dragon expelled a dense, shimmering cloud of glitter into the air, which was now blowing directly toward the village.
“Okay,” I said, backpedaling. “Any bright ideas on how to stop a dragon that literally breathes glitter?”
Fluffbuns was already flipping through a thick, dusty tome titled The Big Book of Mostly Useless Magical Creatures. “Well, according to this, Glitter Dragons are highly sensitive to—” she flipped a few more pages, squinting— “compliments?”
I blinked. “Compliments?”
“Yes!” She nodded, looking pleased. “They love to be admired. The more you compliment them, the friendlier they get. It’s, uh, supposed to make them… docile.”
I groaned, watching as the dragon lumbered closer, leaving a trail of glittery destruction. “You mean I have to flatter a giant sparkly lizard?”
Snoofles, of course, jumped at the chance. “I’ll go first!” He trotted forward, waving enthusiastically at the dragon. “Oh, mighty Glitter Dragon! Your scales are so… shiny! And sparkly! And… um, colorful!”
The dragon blinked down at him, and for a second, I thought it might actually work. The beast seemed to preen slightly, lowering its head as if to inspect itself. But then, as if deciding it needed more glitter to live up to the hype, it let out a massive, shimmering sneeze—covering the entire village square in a new layer of purple and silver glitter.
“Great job, Snoofles,” I said dryly, now thoroughly coated in glitter. “You’ve managed to make it self-conscious.”
Fluffbuns flitted over, determined. “Let me try! Oh, mighty Glitter Dragon, we stand in awe of your… um, fabulous scales and glorious wings! Truly, you are the epitome of elegance and, uh… sparkle!”
The dragon let out a pleased rumble, looking marginally less furious. Encouraged, I took a deep breath, stepping forward with as much flattery as I could muster.
“Yup! You are, uh, truly magnificent,” I said, waving awkwardly. “You’re definitely… uh, the shiniest, most dazzling creature I’ve ever seen. Really, just top-tier sparkling. Nobody does sparkle like you do.”
The dragon tilted its head, as if considering my compliment, then released a soft, happy purr. The effect was instantaneous: the glitter cloud dissipated slightly, and the beast settled back onto its haunches, blinking at me with something that might have been respect. Or maybe mild interest.
“I think it’s working!” Fluffbuns whispered excitedly.
Just as I was starting to believe I’d found a non-violent solution, one of the villagers—a rather brave but extremely reckless blacksmith named Kordo—charged forward with a homemade glitter-proof spear. “I’ll protect us from this sparkly menace!” he cried, brandishing his weapon.
“No, wait!” I shouted, but it was too late. Kordo hurled the spear with all his might… only for it to bounce off the dragon’s scales like a toothpick off a boulder.
The Glitter Dragon blinked, startled, before its eyes narrowed in irritation. It rose back to its full height, nostrils flaring, and let out a deep, guttural roar. In retaliation, it began to flap its massive wings, sending a veritable glitter tsunami toward us.
“Nice one, Kordo,” I muttered as we were all buried in an avalanche of sparkles.
Coughing and spluttering, I dug my way out of the glitter mound, grabbing Fluffbuns. “Quick, any other ideas?”
Fluffbuns flipped frantically through her book. “Um… it says here Glitter Dragons love… show tunes?”
“Show tunes?” I repeated, horrified. “Please tell me I don’t have to sing.”
Fluffbuns looked apologetic. “It’s worth a shot?”
Sighing, I took a deep breath, racking my brain for any song that might be remotely appealing to a dragon that loved sparkles. Then, because desperate times call for desperate measures, I started belting out the first lyrics that came to mind:
“Glitter dragon, oh so bright, your wings shine like the stars at night! With every breath, you light the air—such beauty, no creature can compare!”
I’m not sure what was more disturbing: the fact that I was singing a glitter-inspired ballad to a giant dragon or the fact that it was actually working. The Glitter Dragon stopped its wing-flapping, tilting its head with what looked suspiciously like approval.
Encouraged, Snoofles joined in, harmonizing horribly. “Oh, sparkly beast of might and glow, we love your scales from head to toe!”
The dragon purred, apparently satisfied with our terrible, impromptu performance. It huffed one last plume of glitter into the sky, then, with a dignified sniff, turned and lumbered back toward the hills.
As it disappeared over the ridge, the village square erupted into cheers. Somehow, by sheer luck (and an unfortunate amount of cringe-worthy singing), we’d survived the glitter dragon encounter.
I collapsed onto a glitter-free patch of ground, sighing in relief. “If I ever have to sing to a dragon again, I’m quitting this magical girl gig.”
Snoofles beamed, dusting off his fur. “But you were great! I didn’t know you could sing like that!”
I groaned, covering my face. “Don’t remind me. That was pure desperation.”
The elder of the village walked over, clapping me on the shoulder. “Well done, young hero! Not only did you save the village, but you’ve brought us a tale we’ll be telling for generations.”
“Oh, joy,” I muttered. “Glad I could make history with a glittery musical number.”
As the villagers celebrated, I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that this world had way too many dangerous creatures powered by sparkles. But for now, I was just grateful to be alive and—more importantly—no longer at risk of being crushed under a glitter tidal wave.
Little did I know, this was only the beginning. Somewhere, in a distant valley, an Ancient Glitter Unicorn was stirring. And if I’d learned anything in this world, it was that the next disaster was always just around the corner.
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Magical Girl?! But I Was a Dude!
HumorAfter an untimely death involving a banana peel and some bad luck, an average guy finds himself isekai'd into a new world. The twist? He's been reincarnated as a frilly, sparkly, gender-bent magical girl! Armed with an oversized bow, a glowing staff...
