You and Me in the Old Jeep - TROYLER AU

Chapter Twenty-Six

Song of the Chapter: Do What I Can by Greg Laswell

27

When I woke up, hazily and still sleepy in the warm sunlight I was basked in, I was aware of the most incredible smell before I even opened my eyes. When I finally did, I saw a driftwood coffee table and a pale hand with long curled fingers hanging over the edge of the sofa I was lying on, and jolted awake, half sitting up and rubbing my eyes in an effort to brush away my lingering fatigue

I was in Troye's house, and the impossible boy was lying pressed against me, all lanky body and sprawled limbs, breathing evenly. I had been spooning him on his fucking couch, for God's sake. That was definitely something new – cuddling had never really been on my agenda, but I didn't think I'd slept that well in years.

Suddenly Troye shifted and stretched, yawning widely, before his eyes cracked open, some silver-shot shade of cobalt. "Tyler," he said suddenly then, "Why are you on my couch?"

I smiled sheepishly. "I, uh, think I fell asleep here. Sorry."

A smile broke over Troye's face, still barely half awake. "You stayed." he mumbled, and I went very still as he rolled off the couch and padded into the kitchen. I heard a coffee machine come to life, but it seemed far and away and unimportant – my vision tunnelled to admit only my shaking hands, the slight twitching of my fingers as my breath roared in my ears and -

I blinked and I was sitting on the ground, my back against the wall, hands to my face, and my breathing was still a little too fast. Through the cracks between my fingers I saw Troye knelt opposite me and remembered why I had panicked in the first place – I'd stayed the night with him, and it was too close and too much and I was going to hurt him or myself because God, I thought I was getting better at this and maybe I was, but I was still so scared of fucking it all up.

My toes curled against the ground, pressing down hard enough the arches of my feet ached. I couldn't lose someone else I cared about.

"Tilly," Troye spoke quietly, sounding just a little bit defeated, and I slowly drew my hands from my face.

I clenched my jaw so tightly that it ached, terrified of saying something I'd regret, and pressed harder on the floor, shooting him a weak smile. He was slightly out of focus because for some reason my glasses were on the coffee table and I was basically blind without them.

"Are you okay?" Troye asked tentively. He seemed afraid to touch me - before he had been the vulnerable one, crying in a restroom with a ring on his finger than weighed him down, but now it was me, my mind volatile and achingly indecisive. We both knew how easily I could get up and leave, but only I knew how fucking much it would hurt.

Something indescribable shuddered through me, so much regret and wanting that it took my breath away. My fortitude wavered and I shut my eyes. "Tell me something to make me stay." I said, all in a rush, and then when he paused, "Please, Troye." I despised the desperation in my voice but it was all I had.

His voice was unbearably soft, both velvety with honesty and rough with the morning. "When I first met you, when you were too busy being everyone else's Tyler Oakley to be anything else," Troye said, daring now to reach out and brush his fingers lightly against my hand until I interlaced our fingers and clung on tightly, "I saw immediately that you..." He smiled slightly, my favourite quirked smile of his. "You weren't happy, coming from one sad person to another, but you were so bright and loud and over the top that I..." His voice trailed off. "That I thought maybe you were what I needed, and maybe I could help you as well. I thought maybe we would be good for each other."

Words stuck on the back of my throat. There was silence, until finally Troye said, "Now I know we are."

I flung myself at Troye, burying my face in the warm silky skin of his neck and breathing him in until my head spun. "I'm sorry," I told him, and I meant it, because this wasn't fair on him. I couldn't expect him to have to calm me down every time I basically had a freaking panic attack I was so scared of being in love.

I loved him. I did. Troye hummed in my ear, holding me tight.

"I can't let myself lose you." I said into his collarbones and Troye sighed, running his fingers through my hair, and we didn't say anything else at all.

A sort of sad chapter to show you guys how scared tyler is of love but how he's so determined to stay with troye naww still on holiday btw we finally got wifi for the house

thanks for reading and please vote, comment and add this to your reading lists if you enjoyed it

Bbbbbbbbye *wink*