You and Me in the Old Jeep - TROYLER AU

Chapter Thirty-Six

i'm gonna do a few shorter chapters like these just so it isn't like over thousands of words of tyler being miserable, if that's okay? let me know if you guys are opposed to it, it'll mean i'll be able to update most likely every day as well : ) 

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END

Song of the Chapter: It Gets Better by Dotan

36

"Tilly."

I heard him say my name and rolled over, cracking my eyes open to see his just centimeters away, soft liquid turquoise. He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering, and I close my eyes with a sigh. The blood  moving through my  veins felt warm and slow as treacle, shutting me down entirely. I reached out to pull him closer to me, but instead my fingers curled into empty  air - my body jolted and I was falling, I was dying.

No, I wasn't, I was standing outside the restaurant watching him struggle not to cry - but was there much difference?

I opened my mouth to try and comfort him, to tell him that I had never ever meant to hurt him, but suddenly he was unclear, his outline blurring and smearing like an actor on a bad-quality television; he was fading away right in front of me. I finally leapt into action, lunging forwards to wrap my arms around him like that would make him stay, but it felt like moving through cement and it was too late. I was too late.

~~~~~~~

I didn't see Troye for a few weeks.

Things didn't get much better.

I had stopped drinking so much and went to work and sometimes met up with friends, but nothing registered as important in my head anymore. Nothing mattered. I was swimming in grey like losing Troye had sucked the color out of everything, stolen the vibrancy that had surrounded me whenever he was around. The parts of me that cared were crumbling.

My head spun and my hands shook and I hadn't ever thought that the pain of missing someone could be physical, but at regular intervals throughout the day I'd have to stop whatever I was doing and just wait for the ache to subside - it never went away and it never seemed to dull.

I needed him, I needed him so badly.

so i was thinking of maybe doing some phan after this fic is finished (which isn't right now by the way!) and i was wondering would you guys like that? 

thanks for reading and please vote comment and add this to your reading lists if you enjoyed it : )

Bbbbbbye *wink*