You and Me in the Old Jeep - TROYLER AU

Chapter Thirty-Two

Song of the Chapter: Medicine by The 1975 (LISTEN) (lyrics start at 0.58)

32

Troye and I stayed awake but silent for most of the night, finally falling asleep at around six a.m. I woke up first at half seven and jerked upright, all the breath leaving me as my mind fought to escape whatever bad dream it was trapped in, my heart thudding to the point of pain.

The warm body beside me stirred slightly and I went still as Troye's arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me back down to him with a tiny sigh. We barely fit on the couch, but I didn't mind about the lack of space - it meant he was all crushed up against me, our now clothed torsos pressed together so that his heartbeat rumbled through me in time with my own.

I couldn't help but smile as the memories from last night came rushing back, my nightmare. Had last night really happened?

More importantly, had I really stayed?

I had; I was still here with Troye, and I had no intention of moving anytime soon. I laughed to myself, amazed at just how fucking happy I was, and Troye moaned softly, raising his head and glancing at me, yawning.

Then he shot up, pulling me to my feet as well with adorable enthusiasm. He ran his hands down my arms to my wrists, intertwining our fingers, and touched his forehead to mine, our noses just about touching, a breathless laugh rising on his own lips. "Tilly!" he exclaimed delightedly and I nodded, pressing our matching smiles together.

I was helium, floating over this moment and never, ever leaving.

Eventually we pulled apart and Troye left to put the coffee on, humming happily to himself. While he was busy, I got a text from Korey asking me where the hell I was. I hadn't really had any communication with him for the past few days, so when he demanded we met up for coffee so that I could explain I felt sort of obligated to agree. He was bringing Jacob, though, so at least I could bring Troye - and introduce him to Korey properly this time.

I walked into the kitchen and wrapping my arms around Troye's waist. I had to raise my head to kiss his neck, catching a glimpse of one of the marks I'd left on Troye's skin just under his shirt, a beautiful burst of purple against his pale skin, and he leaned into me, his body curving perfectly . "Troye," I said in his ear, standing on my toes to reach as his hands found mine, "Is it okay if we meet Korey today?"

He sighed a little, turning to face me. "Sure," he murmured, "Sorry, I just - I can't believe you're still here."

I pressed my face into his neck, breathing him in until I was full of his scent. "Of course, Troye. Of course."

~timeskip?timeSHIP~

Korey and Jacob were already there when Troye and I arrived at the restaurant. When Korey saw Troye by my side his eyes went huge, and then he looked ridiculously smug. "So that's where you've been, Tyler," he said by way of greeting, grinning broadly. "Troye's back! I knew it! I said so, didn't I, Jacob."

Jacob was staring at me for some reason, something unreadable behind his eyes. "Oh, you did." he replied softly, studying me intently. I smiled awkwardly at him, but he didn't look away.

I'd never been to this restaurant before, and there wasn't anything particularly memorable about it, but I knew in the space of a single hour that I'd never forget it - no matter how much I wanted to.

Troye was light, light, light, full of the same helium I was, laughing and joking and holding my hand under the table, his eyes a clear, bright color that reminded me of the sky, completely wrapped up in the now - it should have made me happy too, but Jacob kept making all these subtle movement to brush against me, whether it was moving his leg to touch my knee or skimming his hand surreptitiously over my free one, and it was freaking me out a little. I tried my best to ignore him, but when Troye went to the bathroom and Korey went to pay the bill, Jacob leaned fully across the table towards me.

"Tyler." he said gently, and when I looked up, still uncomfortable with this close proximity, he kissed me.

Immediately I went to push him off and maybe slap him for good measure, but he held me steady with a hand on my shoulder and I - it felt nice. It did. He was insanely hot and I was completely overwhelmed and I didn't know what I was doing anymore and my lips were burning with him -

"What the fuck?"

We broke apart at the shout, and there was Korey, the change from the bill dropping senselessly from his hands as the expression on his face fell apart -

Then no no no no no -

Because he was there. The only one I'd ever wanted, his face crumbling for a split second as he put the pieces together; Korey's shaking form, the way Jacob and I were caught like rabbits in headlights, how I reached out to him, his name bursting on my tongue before he turned on his heel and walked away.

He looked so - he looked so disappointed. Like he'd really, really expected better.

Scrambling to my feet I pushed blindly past Korey and followed Troye into the parking lot. He was sitting on the curb with his elbows on his knees, head tipped back, eyes closed. His face was calm, but I knew that move, because I'd done it so many times. He was fighting back tears.

I was slipping and sliding around inside of myself, fighting for purchase. "Troye, I didn't -" I felt like I'd been punched in the neck, and all my words were shaky and coming out wrong.

"Don't."

His voice was completely, terrifyingly level as Troye stood up and turned to me, his lips pulled in a thin line. His irises were a velvety midnight, something that would have been beautiful if it wasn't for me and just how badly I'd fucked up. I didn't even know why I'd kissed Jacob back; even though he'd made the first move, I should have pushed him away. I should have pushed him away.

"You know, Tyler, I really thought that we could be something." Troye interrupted my thoughts softly, looking me up and down. Our gazes locked and I swallowed hard, dying for the right words, for something, anything that could make this better, but I didn't know if there was anymore. "I trusted you." he told me then, voice cracking ever so slightly, and I made a restless movement towards him but stopped myself. My fingers curled loosely at my sides as I forced myself to stay still, to not run at him like I wanted to, because I knew he wouldn't like that.

"We are something." I croaked out. "Please, Troye, I don't know -"

The air between us was thick and heavy and smelled like something sour. "No, neither do I." Troye muttered, his hands in fists at his sides. "You got what you came for last night, Tyler."

Everything was hot and vivid, my veins crackling inwards and apart as I went crashing. "It wasn't like that!" I practically shouted, trembling all over. Oh God. What the fuck did I do?

Troye stared at me for a moment. I couldn't decipher his expression - pity? pain? - and then it was gone and his face was carefully smooth again. "Save it." he said tightly.

"Troye p-please, I'm sorry, I d-don't know what h-happened in there." I couldn't fix this. If this had ever been a game, and it hadn't been in a long, long time, I was most definitely losing more than I bargained for in the beginning. "Please."

"I said save it."

"I love you."

Troye looked me in the eye like he was memorizing me, and laughed quietly, the sound ugly and shaking and so utterly unlike his giggle just that morning that I ached. "You," he said softly, just loud enough that I could hear him. "You don't even know what love is."

And then he walked away from me. And I lost everything.

oops

also, phan oneshot? possibly? soon?