A Poet's Diary

❝ Part of My World ❞

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I hated it
I hated how you weren't there for me;
When I first used the word 'beautiful',
When I got to wear my first pair of school shoes,
When I walked up to my first door of learning
You weren't there for me

I frowned back then
I frowned when you couldn't make it;
Couldn't make it to my first graduation
Couldn't make it to my recitals
Couldn't make it to those homeroom meetings
You couldn't come for me

I struggled
I struggled because you didn't help me
You didn't teach me math
You didn't get to teach me how to do my hair
You didn't do my homework
You didn't do those things for me

I was jealous
I felt jealous of other girls because they had theirs
They had someone to pick dresses for them
They had someone to bring up when talking about makeup
They had someone to look up to as their model
You weren't there to be mine

I cried at times
For the times when I was in pain
Sulking because of those red days that I fought alone
Sulking because of that boy who didn't take me seriously
Sulking because the other girls were mean to me
You didn't give me all the good talks

I was scared
For almost everything that came my way
Scared that I might not be enough for you
Scared that you'd frown upon me
Scared that you wouldn't return if I did something wrong
I knew I had to be scared

But I also knew things
Things that I love about your absence
You are beautiful in that white uniform
You gave me a number of pretty shoes
You were the reason I was able to open doors
You were present in things I was too blind to see

I smiled back then
I smiled because I knew you tried
You made it when I graduated my senior years
You made a call even when I only won second place
You made the biggest contributions to make me feel special
You made me smile the biggest

I tried and thrived
I did my best because I thought of you
I knew you wanted me to understand math
I knew you've always wanted to style my hair
I knew it took you a whole day off to help me with anything
I knew my success would pay off your dews

I am beyond grateful
I'm grateful to have a woman like you in my life
Someone who adores the way I dress
Someone who keeps reminding me of my beauty
Someone who I'd love to pamper when I get to be like her

I did cry at times
For the times I longed for your voice
When I was sick and you knew all the cure
When I was played, knowing you would know what to do
When I got all the ill glares, knowing you would've stared them to death
I wish I should've ran to you

I got brave
I told myself to face it all for you
So I can give you more than enough
So I can make you smile after all you've been through
So I can finally say, "Come home, it's my turn."
I'll be brave because I have to

I knew you had to
You had to miss it to do your all for us
To miss table meals for our fine dining
To miss my firsts in exchange for a brighter future
To miss all the things we could have shared in this lifetime
Nevertheless, you're a big part of my world

⊶⊰ ⊱⊷