FALLING FOR YOU ..

XLVI -I Want Her

Becky's POV

'Dear BecBec....

Allow me to call that name one more time..and for the last time...

I could feel my hands start shaking the moment I read the first sentence... What does she mean by 'for the last time'?

I will always remember the time, love and attention you gave me... Those were the happiest days in my life. Thank you so much!

I know that what I gave you back was heartbreak, pain and hard days only. I hope you will forgive me for all that someday. I hope you will allow me to come in front you someday ...that day, I will gather the courage to apologize in front of you..

I will not bother you with my presence.. I will leave you alone to be happy as you requested. All I want is you to be happy..and comfortable.. My wishes and prayers will always be with you.

My baby....................

I wish I had held you in my arms for a longer time to make you believe how precious you are... Please never doubt your worth.. Whatever happened was not because of your fault. You are the best... Please never doubt the reliability of love. I know, I did let you down. But please.., never doubt yourself for that...

I am happy for you..

Be happy always... Your happiness matters a lot....

There was no signature or Name.. Just an initial 'F'.

I sat on the sofa nearby, tightly holding the letter in my hand which is shaking.. I don't even know when did my tears start falling. It fell on to the paper, making large wet marks on the letter. I couldn't stop myself from crying and my eyes were once again going through the letter...

I caressed the words once again.... 'My Baby.............' -- It sent a painful lightning through my heart. A pang that breaks me.

My eyes fell on those words ... 'I am happy for you...'. An echo of the same words said by P'Kade and P'Nam. It cannot be about the award. It's about something else. I need to know what is it about. I need to know where she is... I need to know why she said, 'for the last time.' ... More than anything, I need to see her.

•Once I felt like I was calm enough to talk over call, I once again dialed P'Nam's number. It was nearly 12 at night and I was not in a state to care for the time. A sleepy P'Nam attended the call after a few rings.

"Phi.... Where is she??" -- I sobbed over the call and I heard movements on the other end. May be she is sitting comfortably. There was silence after that.

"Please P'Nam... Tell me where is she? I ... I want to see her..." -- I sobbed again.

"Why Beck..? What's the use now? Why are you awake at this time? Are you alone?" -- P'Nam shot questions back to me instead of answering.

"P'Nam please..." -- I pleaded. Then it came to me again and I asked. -- "Why did you say you are happy for me Phi?"

"You know why Beck.. everyone knows.. " -- Her vague words were starting to me make me feel bad..

"Please be more clear Phi... What's going on?" -- I asked and she sighed at the other end.

"We are happy for you Beck... We mean all of us.. Including Freen... For your new relationship." -- Finally she answered making me choke on my own saliva! New relationship? Me? What is she talking about? And Freen is happy about it? She is happy about it????