You were everything...

Chapter 3

I sit alone in my room. Darkness around me.
I hear my playlist and think about the boy that I met today. I have no clue who is but he was funny. I don't know I never laughed since a long time.

Hopefully I see him tomorrow. I will wait for him. I will.

The next morning I go faster to school than I normally go. I almost run.
I have Englisch in my first period. We read a book. I have no idea what it is about but it sounds nice.

First break I sit at the same table like yesterday, waiting for him. I look around me. Normally I would never do that. I wouldn't even care what other people do.

He isn't coming. Next period I have Maths and it's the same like yesterday, boring. But he won't leave my head. I just won't.... I can't wait for the second break.

Next period I have music, that's my favourite period. We need to make our own song. I like that because I can do it alone and need no one.
Just me and the music. Music is something near to my best friend.

Break time. I run to my table waiting for him. I sit down. I eat my lunch. He isn't coming. We're is he? Maybe his friends were sick yesterday so he had no other option. Or he just doesn't like me.

Maybe he thinks I am creepy. Maybe he thinks I am a weird person. Maybe he didn't enjoyed yesterday.

I sit there and think about many excuses why he isn't coming. And in every thought I am the problem. Of course I am.

Last period I have biology. I hate it.. I just sit there stare out of the window and think about yesterday. We laughed, he laughed. What if he faked his laugh. What if he didn't think I am funny.

Why do I even care! I don't know his name, not his class, not even his grade.
What's happening with me?
I have actually no idea.

After school I run into my room. Close my door and stare at the ceiling.
I start crying, I never do anything right. I make people uncomfortable all the time. He thinks I am too much. I am always too much.

I am always the problem. What did I do wrong? Did I say something that maked Jim uncomfortable?

I was just myself, I think? I lost the clue of what I am a long time ago.

Next morning I am lazy like every morning. I brush my teeth, make myself breakfast, Mae my bed, change clothes, brush hair and put on mascara.

Like
Every
Damm
Morning

No modifications, no messages, no one.

I walk to school slowly. I don't even want to go in there.
But my mind won't lose hope. My mind still tells me, what if he was sick yesterday, what if he is there today, maybe he had a appointment yesterday, maybe... maybe...maybe

First period I have Chemie and I really need to focus. I need to be good at something. I can't be an fool all the time.

First break I have no energy. No energy to do something. I go to my table and wait. Wait for what? There is nothing to wait for.

People around me are laughing and smiling. They have a great time. I don't.

My arms are looking like a total mess.
My arms are hurting.
My heart hurts.
Everything hurts.
I close my eyes...
I want to go back, back when the world made sense.

I just wanna sleep...