You were everything...

Chapter 10.5

He is what? He can't be in hospital. Is he dying. I don't know because my phone shut down. What if he is dead. No he isn't. He can't be. That won't happen. I know that.
I cry and I shatter. I am freezing and my tears are drying.

And then I lean my head on the wall and my head starts again.
What if he is dead. What if he doesn't want to see you. What if he don't remember you... What if your mother never loved you. What if she doesn't care that I am gone.
What if nobody cares....
And then they switch.
Nobody cares.
Nobody loves you
You are never enough and you never will be. You never do anything right. You are not enough.
Try better. Why can't you be like the others.
Why am I not enough. And why am I never enough.

My blood runs and my veins hurt. My head itches. My mind blows and my hands shatter. It's cold. My tears run. My head shuts down. I walk the upstairs. I sit down and I stare at the trainstop.

Many seconds are flashing before my eyes. I don't think. I feel nothing. I don't even feel that I am cold. My arms still bleed. Nobody is here. Nobody will come. I am alone.

My heart is cold. My mind is on fire.
What happened to Caleb and why did it happen today. I can't think. I think. My mouth is dry. My blood runs down onto my jeans.

I feel nothing but so much at once. I look at the railway tracks and my mind clicks.

A solution. A solution. Am medicine. A  way out of here.

And then my head start hurting so bad. It hurts so bad. My arms are numb. My legs don't work anymore. My mouth is dry and the only thing I think about is.... Nobody will care.

_______________________________________

My finger shatter. I stare at the railway tracks and I can't look away. You will feel better after this my head says. You will be better. You can do this.

And then I stand up. I walk slowly near the railway tracks. I breath hardly. My mind shut down. My heart stops beating.

And then I jump. I jump onto the railway tracks. My legs don't work. I can't go now. I can't go back. That is the final part. The final solution I know that.

I need to wait only a few seconds before my head is there again. I thank the people I love. I thank myself that I end it.
I hear the train comes closer. I lay down on the trail.
The bottom start so vibrate. My head shuts down and I feel relieve.

I see the train lights. They are coming near. I see them. There they are.
Its finally over. My arm stops bleeding and finally it's here. It's over. My work is done. I am done.

It's coming! Only a few inches....

But what if someone did care?