You were everything...

Chapter 10

I wake up on the next school morning and I feel numb again. My head hurts and my legs feel unreal. I cant stand almost.
I start crying because of the pain and my mother tells me we need to see a doctor.

So we drive to the doctor.
In the waiting room I start crying again. It hurts so bad and I don't want to see the doctor.

The doctor came and we sit down.
"So what hurts?" He asks and I tell him that my legs hurt.
"Maybe you are just growing?"
He says and tells me to unbotton my jeans. I sit there with no jeans and my mother gasps.
"Miss can you go out for a second?" The doctor asks my mum and then everything went down.
"What happened to your legs?" He asks and I look down. They are full with scars. Big scars.

I start crying and he tells me that everything is fine we handle this. He calms me down. And then he asks me to wait in the waiting room he will talk to my mum before we talk again. So I put on my jeans and walk into the waiting room.

"You can come back in the room in 6 min okay?" The doctor says and I nod. Is start shaking. I was Hurting myself the whole time. I hurt myself. I hurt myself. I hurt myself again and again. My arms are full with scars. My legs are full with scars. And I did it again. Last evening. When Caleb left. I have nothing under control and nothing got better. I got even worse.

I start crying and then 2 minutes before I need to go into the room again I start running. I run out of the house. I run and I run till I am at the train station.

It's far away from the hell. My mom knows. The doctor knows. They will worry but they shouldn't worry. They shouldn't!
I start crying and I sit under the bridge by the train station. I overthink the situation. I want to cry and to run and I just want to get out. My arms start hurting because I start Scratch them. They start to bleed and everything hurts.
My head hurts.
You are never good enough. You never do anything right. You aren't good enough. You don't try. You never do anything right. And then my phone rings.
It's not my mother this time.
She called me several times and now it's already dark outside. I freeze a bit but my jacket keeps me warm.

I start crying again. My phone rings again. I don't want to talk to anyone. Caleb is on his way into the city so he isn't home. I need to talk to him but he doesn't even know that I hurt myself.
I am never good enough. I don't want to go home anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. And then I answer the call.

"Caleb?" I ask.
And a voice I dont know says: "I am sorry darling but I wanted to tell you that Caleb is in the hospital. He had a car accident. I am really sorry honey... And I need to tell you that..." And then my phone shuts down.