Lost in a dream // Shailene Woodley and Theo James (Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Sixteen

Today's off to a great start. I have woken up with the stifling feeling of inevitable doom. The doom of my not quite relationship with Theo to be over before it has already started. He is lying to me, I'm not sure why, but I will be damned if I don't find out the truth.

To top it all off, I have to listen to Emma's happy stories from her date last night. Oh so perfect Andrew with his luxuriously manly stabled jaw and his to die for English accent. I honestly don't think I have the patience or the muscle strength to fake smile my way through today. As much as I don't want to be that asshole who can't be happy for their friend, I am that asshole. I'm sick and tired of life throwing me under the bus. When is it my turn to have the happily ever after? Do I not deserve love and happiness? Clearly I have mug written on my forehead or something because I can't catch a break.

I remember as a kid I was utterly consumed by any and every romantic film there was. The Titanic, The Notebook, Dirty Dancing, every clique going, you bet I knew almost every word to the damn film. I sat in my tiny bed all wrapped up in a blanket, you know typical teenage girl. A bag of popcorn and a box of tissues, crying away my youth. I was mesmerized by the idea of love. The fact that you could have an undying connection with another human, a bond so strong you want to spend the rest of your life with that person by your side. That's what true magic is. The spark you feel the first time you meet someone. The way you can melt from a few words they may spill and lose countless hours of sleep waiting up to talk to them. Nothing compares to that feeling of unity. That's what we're sold anyway, that's what I was sold. If only it was that easy. Every Hollywood film exploits the hormonal teenage girls mind and gives them a false sense of reality and unrealistically high expectations. I mean it's not all 'poor girls' I feel sorry for the guys too! How are they ever meant to get a girlfriend when we're all waiting for our very own Channing Tatum to sweep us off our feet? I don't know if love and romance is something that I actually want or if it's something I've been taught to want, I won't ever know, it's too late for me. I've been exposed to this unrealistic bullshit for way too long.

***

I watched as Emma's eyes sparkled as she practically skipped over to my sofa and threw herself back with a dramatic sigh. She looked animated. Her face was lit and colourful and she radiated happiness and contentment. I couldnt help but roll my eyes at the sight. I didn't know Nicholas Sparks had rewritten my bestfriends mannerisms...

"Last night was..."

"Amazing?" I finished, purching my chin on my hands making my voice high pitched and girly. I'm trying to make myself sound as genuinely interested as possible, but honestly today is not the best day to draw some empathy from me.

"Utterly. I mean, Go Karting is such a good idea for a date, why doesn't every guy do that?"

"Not a clue"

"He even let me win!"

"I'm pretty sure that's worse, I mean, just because he's a man doesn't mean he should let you win by obligation. Does he automatically assume he's better then you, that he's th.."

"Shai, I'm sure it's not a deep rooted rebellion against females, he was being a gentleman" I grunted out some for of a agreement to her, not that she is picking up on my obvious passive aggressiveness as she carrys on, "Andrew has already asked me on a second date, well a double date. But apparently you're talking to someone. You didn't tell me about any guys?" She raised her eyebrow at me sported with a small smirk.

"Yeah, I was sort of, now i'm not. So yeah"

"Oh shit, you alright about it though? What happened?" I watched as Emma's eyes grew large in concern, instantly making me feel bad for being a bitch to her. Just because she's happy doesn't mean I have to be rude to her, it's not her fault I have no luck with men. I smile my first genuine smile all day and nod,

"Yeah I'm fine, honeslty. I'll think about that double date. I'm really happy for you em"

"Thanks Shai, you'll always be my number one, Andrews just a side hoe"

"He better be!" I laugh pulling Emma in for a hug. "But seriously, I'm glad you've found someone" I say into the back of her neck. After a few seconds we let go and fall back into the sofa again and flick the TV on.

Of course Jeremy Kyle was on. I mean, it's such useful information that totally needs to be accessible at all hours of the day. You never know when you too will be in the same situation as these guys! For example you may also have a "Girlfriend who's pregnant but also is sleeping with her brother so it could be his, but she's also got a thing with her uncle so we need a DNA test to prove it's mine!" So relatable.

Me and Emma get a good laugh out of it though, it's becomes our favourite show since we've got to England. It defiantly makes me feel a lot better about myself as I watch it.

"So tell me about this guy you were seeing" Emma asks seeing as show cut to the ad break.

"His names Theo, he's very good looking and very much too good to be true."

"How so?"

"Well you know.." I shrug as I furrow my eyebrows trying to articulate my thoughts. "He's just not as truthful as I thought, I trusted him alot and I feel like i'm a bit stupid."

"What did he lie about?" Emma asks

"About knowing me, that probably sounds weird but it's complicated." I sigh.

"You're right that does sound weird" She laughs.

"It's a fucking weird situation what can I say." I smile slightly.

All this talk about Theo's just pulling it straight from the back and into the front of my mind again. I'm going to have to find out the truth tonight. Not that I can be bothered; I feel like I get this laziness towards conflict and confrontation, where I would rather let it slide under the mat so I get to live inside my bubble a little longer then find out something I don't want to know. I need to get stronger. I need to have a lot more self respect and question people when they are being dishonest instead of mugging myself off. It's a hard thing to do, willingly throw away your friendships or relationships by enquiring about what you already know. To turn a blind eye is so appealing. Obviously the easiest way out as well. Maybe its time to lock away that option. Actually, not maybe. Defiantly.

I just hope I don't lose Theo in the process.