Lost in a dream // Shailene Woodley and Theo James (Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Eighteen

I was alone. Not that I was complaining, I needed the space to clear my head. I told Theo I needed to go for a walk so that I can have time to think everything over. He let me go reluctantly, probably scared I would never come back. Which I could do. I could disappear into the night and never see Theo again if I planned it out right. I could just spawn every night somewhere he couldn't find me until he finally gave up trying.

I walk along the wooded path of my favorite hiking trail from back home in LA. I surprisingly found my way through the hub pretty easily and got myself to this place, impressing myself. I let my hand reach out and touch the cool leaf face on the long stretches of bushes that hugged the path. The smell was so fresh and cleansing that I couldn't help but feel intoxicated on it, this is what fueled me. The clean air, the trees and the wildlife. We all lived in unison, working as one to help each other survive on this planet. We depended on eachother more then we realise, a beautiful natural cycle.

As I walked up the tall hill towards the view over the valley, I let my thoughts wonder back to my situation.

My head is telling me that I should be done. I've been there, I've done it. It didn't work out, It went so bad it made me pull an 'Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind' and erase all traces of Theo from my life. If that's not a strong enough reason to leave and never speak to him again, then I don't know what is. Not to mention the fact he tried to trick me into falling in love with him again, which my minds still trying to depict if this is a morbidly romantic gesture or just incredibly manipulating and messed up. Although, if I had a shot at a second chance and a clean slate, I know I couldn't honestly say I wouldn't take advantage of the situation.

I know Theo loved me. No man crumbles from the inside out like he did. His eyes communicate to me a thousand words within seconds. He was sorry. I know that, hell, anyone could tell that. You can't fake pain in your eyes. The question I need to work out is if I love him or not. If I do, is it worth the second shot, or should I save myself the inevitable heartbreak? Who knows what other problems we faced within our 3 years together? I don't know if were even happy. If I was happy. We had two lives, one where we didn't know eachother and this one. Where we spent our relationship for 7-9 hours a day. Do I even want that? Do I want to have a part time boyfriend? Where I only see him once I fall asleep, where I can't introduce him to my friends and my family?

I finally reach the top of the hill and see a slim figure sitting on the floor at the peak of the mountain top looking over at the landscape. The view was probably the most breathtaking thing I've ever had the pleasure of viewing. The mountains stretched over the immediate background, standing tall in front of the bold sky. Behind contained the juxtaposition of the busy city. The fact that both completely isolated wildlife and mountain tops could reside so close to a massive city full of huge buildings and residential areas was something I found fascinating. It really made for the perfect balance. We weren't too far from the Hollywood sign. Another connecting trail with another amazing view over the city.

"I thought you would come here." I heard the figure call out, snapping me out of my mesmerized state. "Its still just as beautiful isn't it?" The familiar Australian accent chimes. Thank god Ruby is here! I am defiantly in need of some serious advice and a some perspective on what was going on.

"This couldn't possibly lose its beauty." I say walking towards the spot she was sat, ploping myself down besides her with a smile.

"How are you?" She asks, turning herself slightly to look at me.

"Confused" I laugh lightly, bringing my legs up to my chest into a hug.

"I'm not surprised."

"I'm sorry for being a bitch to you yesterday, it wasn't your fault" I sigh, feeling bad for the way I acted yesterday. I really was mean to her, she was right. It wasnt her place to say.

"No, i'm just as bad as he is. We both lied" She answers, cutting her eyes away from mine.

"What am I meant to do Rubes?" I ask utterly lost.

All I need is some guidance. I've always been like this though, I like to seek other people's opinions before I make a decision. Why? I have no clue. It's not like I don't trust myself enough to make my mind up alone, but I tend to be hesitant. I like to be well informed.

"There's no right answer to that. Its all down to what you want." Ruby shrugs.

"But what if what I want fucks me up!" I sigh, running my hands over my face. All of this stress is going to cause me to break out.

"I saw how you were when you were together, maybe losing your memory was for the best." Ruby smiles, trying her best to be positive. "You get to fall in love all over again"

"But I don't want to fall in love for him to cheat on me again."

"Then don't"

"But then aga..."

"Then do it" She interrupts throwing her hands in the air and slapping down on her thighs with a thick a laugh. I give her a cold glare,

"You're not helping"

"If you even consider getting back together then there's hope, and that's a good enough reason alone to give love a chance, don't you think?" She says getting up and brushing the dirt off of her clothes. "It's up to you Shai, is love worth it?"

I follow her lead and get up too.

Is love worth it? I've seen how happy Emma has become since she started dating Andrew. Maybe all my envy towards her is down to my deep internal crave of love, to be loved and to fall in love. But typically love is just there to fuck you up, I mean even Romeo and Juliet. The so called greatest love story of all time, they both kill themselves! Titanic, Jack dies! High School Musical, okay no one dies, but! Gabrielle does that whole song about needing to go her own way, I think this is proof enough that love always ends up ruining you. Either your life or your innocence, both in which are precious.
So really all in all, it comes down to the age old question;

Should I follow my head or my heart?