Lost in a dream // Shailene Woodley and Theo James (Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Seventeen

I subconsciously feel myself being pulled from my unconscious body and into the night world as the darkness dissolves into a increasingly bright white light. Sharp shots of light dance in the form of vivid shapes that I can't quite work out yet. The feeling of being pulled into this place is like the feeling you get just before you pass out; your vision whites out whilst you hear nothing but piercing static, however you're still somewhat there and aware of your surroundings. I can hear Theo's voice calling my name as I wait for my dizziness to surpass and the blurriness to subside.

"Are you okay?" I hear him say. I feel his large hand touch my arm snapping me back into reality. I automatically feel myself smiling up at him when I see them same stern eyes that drew me to him in the first place, however they look less stern these days. They're softer. I can see more joy in them. He returns my smile before I can remember I'm actually annoyed at him and shrug his hand off of me. I watch as his smile melts from his face and his eyes turn cold. I shouldn't feel bad! Why do I always feel bad? "Whats up Shai?" He asks

"I met Ruby yesterday." I state folding my arms. He furrows his eyebrows but his eyes search mine frantically. Finally he lets his head drop, looking down at his shoes.

"What did she say?" I heard his voice crack slightly as he reluctantly dragged his eyes back up to mine; I watched as a thin layer of water coaxed his dark brown orbs. I was determined not to give in despite my urge to hug the fear out of Theo's being. I wanted nothing more to make him smile again, to see his toothy grin which never failed to charm me.

"She didn't say anything, due to someones request," I retorted.

"Shai, it's not wh.."

"Cut the crap Theo, just tell me the fucking truth" I snap cutting him off. He clenches his jaw and runs his hand over his stubbed chin, nodding to himself slightly.

"We knew each other before you lost your memory." He sighs. His head found itself staring at his feet once more as he fidgeted from foot to foot.

"And you lied about that because?"

"You didn't want anything to do with me anymore Shai, what was I meant to do?" His eyes locked mine and I saw him silently plead to me as he spoke. "I lied because I need you."

"Why didn't I want you in my life anymore?" I crocked, unable to hide the inconsistency in my voice. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as my eyes begin to glisten, blurring my vision, Half out of utter confusion and frustration and the other from the sight of Theo crumbling in front of me. He's always possessed such a strong and confident persona, to see him break is unbearable. Theo didn't move and I could hear him mentally debate with himself whether or not he should speak up. "Theo, I need to know, this isn't fair on me. What the fuck happened between us?"

"We were together, We broke up. You were done with me." He mumbled.

I took a step back from Theo widening the gap between us. We were together? Why the fuck would he not tell me before this? How could he pretend to meet me, to get to know me, when he knew everything about me from the get go? I was bombarded with a facade of questions, too many to process all at once as I let them twirl and dance their way around my mind. Theo tries to take a step forward but I raise my hand.

"Don't." I warn

"Shai, listen!" He pleads. I shake my head, not a chance am I going to let him get out of this easily. This is messed up. He fucked with my free will, he knew full well I wanted out, but he took advantage of my memory loss to get his own way.

"Why did we break up?" I question.

"Thats not imp.."

"Fuck you Theo, who are you to decide whats important!" I spat. "Why did we break up?"

"I cheated." A few tears fell from Theo as he stares down at me. His eyes were red and puffy as he reaches out to wipe his face. I didn't know what to say. One minute I'm getting to know this guy who I could find myself falling in love with, the next minute I find out I already have and hes cheated on me. My hand finds my temple as I try to go over the situation, but I can't keep my thoughts rational as all I can focus on is the unbearable thumping against my skull. "Say something..." He tries. I shake my head again holding my finger up towards his face.

"You don't get to tell me what to do" I hiss. I sit down on the hard ground and let my head fall into my hands as I try to think. "How long were we together?" I ask through my fingers.

"3 years"

"3 years..." I repeat taking my lip between my teeth to stop myself from crying out.

I was with this guy for 3 years and I didn't remember a day of it. How am I meant to process this information? We were together, like I had envisioned. I have already had what I wanted this whole time and we were over. He cheated on me, but it feels wrong to be angry at him seeing as I don't even remember any of it in the first place.

"It was a mistake." Theo pleads pulling me from my thoughts . "I was drunk, I wasn't thinking, this whole situation is messed up Shai, but you were and you still are the best thing that's ever happened to me." He sniffs, bending down to be at my seated height. He shuffles over pulling my hands away from my face and pulls me into a hug. I grabbed onto his shirt within an instant and let myself cry into his neck as he rubbed my back.

"I'm so confused Theo" I sob.

"It's okay, its not your fault. Its this fucking world. Blessing and a curse" He whispers. He doesn't say anything else, he just lets me cry whilst he draws patterns on my back in an attempt to soothe me.

"Theo" I finally say as I rise from the crook of his neck to look him in the eyes.

"Yes love" He smiles wiping the tears from my eyes and smoothing down my hair.

"Is that everything, I just need to know the whole truth. No more secrets." I watch his eyes dart around my face as he hesitates. He lets out a deep sigh and I know there's more. My eyebrows knit together and I turn away from him.

"I know how you lost your memory."

"What?" I say whipping my head back round, level with his puffy red eyes and deep scowl.

"I was there." He says causing all my muscles to tense up from his words. How the hell can he keep all of this from me? He runs his hands up and down my arms slowly, I let him this time, knowing this could be the last time he ever touches me.

"You wanted to forget me" He started. "You didn't want to remember us and what we had, you didn't want it to end that way so you erased me and you erased your friends. You did it yourself."

His words linger in the air and dance around my mind. I wanted him gone so baldy, I erased everything, and he tricked me into falling for him again. How am I meant to decide if this is just plain sick in the head or romantic? I looked back at the man I was falling for and how wrecked he was, falling apart in front of me, breaking my heart that little bit more.

It was in that moment that I knew I had to leave before it was too late.