wicked player ★ ( heeseung )

eleven

11. hard to face reality

Kim Haerin

★

“Is there a beef going on between you too?” Eunji asked, pointing at Heeseung, whom I had been ignoring since this morning. Unfortunately we both had the same class today due to our economics lecturer being sick. The timing for this merged class was awful as looking at him, I could only remember about the conversation we had last night.

His eyes would steal glances of me but I would ignore it, hiding myself behind the person sitting in front of me. Eunji, who has been noticing all this for a long time, finally confronted me for an explanation. Which I couldn't let her know.... not yet though.

Last night

“Because I hate you.....” I felt a stinging pain in my heart as if his words just darted there. I didn't know why I was affected by his remark. Is it because I expected something special.... something more that definitely doesn't exist between us.

I felt rage building up inside me, not because I was hurt by her words but because he has been playing around all this time. He knew I didn't want this yet he continued it which breaks my heart.

“Why do you hate me?” I asked, looking away as I could feel my eyes burning in rage. My throat was hurting which made it hard for me to speak, my voice almost cracking.

Am I actually going to cry over this?

The car began to move as the red light turned green. There was silence inside the car for a few seconds as I was getting desperate for his answer. As I was about to turn towards him, the car again stopped, this time it was not the traffic signal. It was on the pathway side on the highway surrounded by darkness.

Being surprised I looked at Heeseung only to find his eyes already looking for mine. As our gaze met, I found a wave of emotions flowing through them which was hard to depict individually. I felt my body not being able to react in any way, a tense situation between us before he spoke.

"You made everything complicated for me, Haerin. I never imagined myself to be weak for a girl but here I am acting like a stupid guy, it is all because of you." He spoke with a serious tone causing my breath to get stuck for a second. My mind wanted to assume that he was lying, that whatever he said was never true but on the other hand my heart believed it with no second thoughts.

"If everything is because of me then why don't you just leave me alone? Why doh you keep coming close to me if I make you feel weak?" I furiously let out my words, clenching on my fist, as my breath accelerated.

His eyes diverted for a second, touching his nape he licked his lips in frustration. "Do you think I didn't try? I just can't do that, no matter how hard I try." He sighed pushing his hair back while his dark eyes sparkled.

My heart began to beat rapidly because of the fact that he was confessing to me. His feelings are hard to trust.

"I think.... I like you, Kim Haerin." He said those words, looking straight into my eyes, a weird sensation occurring in me as my breath hitched. The time seemed to be stopped as I couldn't answer back to him.

I am not sure about anything.

Even though I could see the truth in his eyes, my mind doesn't want to believe it. His liking might be true for me, but I can't take the decision blindly just because I saw his few good traits while ignoring his flaws.

I might seem selfish and sceptical right now but I can't take a decision now that will make me regret it later. Not until I can see him actually live up to his words and be genuine about his feelings.