chasing girl wonder

chiffonade: made of rags

A/N: Guys, we're almost at 300k words. WTF?! Ballpark... might end around 350k words?! You guys are strong... like Rosie in hot ones, yeah. 🙂‍↕️

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Roseanne gently closed the office door behind her, using both hands to ensure the knob locked firmly. With her chest tightening with anxiety, in slow motion, she turned around and leaned her back against the cool, solid wood door, leaving one hand on the doorknob to make sure nobody barged in—the nobody being Suzy. Her head was down, cocked a little sideways, to try to hear anything over the other side. And maybe to avoid the suddenly overwhelming presence of the elephant in the room with Sangmoon.

With every passing second of silence, the worry grew inside her, eating away every thin thread of optimism she typically had. The uneasiness was far larger than her care for Lisa. The whole situation triggered the emotional distress she experienced with Suzy when they were together. Suzy's unpredictable nature of lashing out and hurting someone—even her, the person she was supposed to love—had the power to strip someone of their self-esteem and unhinge them from their truths. An expert at twisting words to emotionally—sometimes mentally—manipulate someone, Suzy never admitted to her wrongs, much so, the abuse.

Tightening her grip on the knob, she was taken back to Jukdo when she failed to defend Lisa from Young-ae. The thought of repeating that cowardly act gutted her so badly that the hefty regret drowned the peppery and pungent taste of cilantro and the salty dried squid from her throat.

And not just that.

As she stood there frozen by the door, eyes glued absently on the concrete floor, her mind struggled to shut down the unfriendly, daunting thoughts like—

Did Sangmoon see Lisa and me holding hands—too close for comfort? No. Sangmoon's a sweet guy. He likes Lisa. He's been nice to me—but will this change everything?

What would he think of me—us—now? Or maybe just me. He's going to realize that Ae had been right about me all along, and not at all self-righteous. 

Am I being selfish? This—Am I getting in the way of Lisa's closeness with her dad and Nick? Nick. Nick saw us hug at the Country Club. Did he tell Suzy about it?

Is it too soon to be with someone else or is it still early to put a stop to this thing I have with Lisa?

What if this is wrong? What if our relationship brings more pain? I don't think I'll feel good if Lisa abandons her family just to... I can't have that.

That line... Was it there all along? Were we not supposed to... Did we cross it? Maybe we shouldn't have let our feelings reach this state. Oh, god. This doesn't feel good.

Her mind was a rapid-fire exchange of questions and answers, hitting the pit of her stomach like wildfire. The thought of losing that love—Lisa—shook her. It was not just her heart at stake. It was family. Pressing a hand against her midriff, she tried to put a stop to the burning sensation building there, but it was pointless. Suzy was already there outside, a slap for her to wake up that soon enough, Suzy would find out about her and Lisa.

Despite societal expectations, there should not be any rules about falling in love—and with whom. Supposedly. But what she and Lisa had was adding a layer of complication to Lisa's already dysfunctional family. Subconsciously, they knew that if they continued texting, talking, and being around each other, it would create a delicate situation with the potential for chaos. Now, there they were. At the tip of it.