After

Not Quite Seperate

I got to Jack, wasn't a long ride at all. Round 10 minutes tops. "What's good bro." he says. What's good? everything's good, never been better i tell him. I think me and him clicked. We had only just met in person. I think that's always been a problem. I befriend people before i actually meet them. Still not sure wether that's a good thing or not. We arrived back in my neighbourhood, and stood a couple feet away from Lexi's house waiting on them both to get here. We were early. You know how it is though, girls getting ready. Rather chaotic if you ask me. Very god damn chaotic.

We stand for around 10 minutes talking about our eventful past. It's good to laugh about it now. At least we get along. Because when i tell you we didn't used to, that's not even me over exaggerating. There was pure hatred at its finest. We overcame it though. Like men. No need for the pathetic drama that goes on anymore.
The girls get here. We don't really have a motive for today. We kind of just chilled at the cafe because like i said, there really is nothing to do down here. I think just being with one another was enough, making memories. Capturing them sort of moments you know? something to hold on to. Which was a good thing.

She looked beautiful today. Not Lexi. Ew. Gross. I mean her. My baby. Think she heard me say that, i should probably be quiet. Jack was going back to Lexi's house so the plan was for me and Mill to come back to mine. Before i left. Jack gave me his sky blue Nike Jacket. It was pretty nice to be honest. Comfy. I knew it wouldn't be mine for long like, Mill would end up stealing it. We get back to mine to wait for her mum to get her. I can't remember what we talked about. Although i remember her voice, i remember her laugh. The things she said. The conversations she made. I just don't remember.

Her mum arrived. I hated goodbyes. They just don't sit right with me. I wish i could be around her all the time. Every second. Of every day. She's my peace. Nothing else is, or even has to chance to be. That's her. Only her.

The next day was my first day back at school. I was so anxious. I hadn't been since my overdose back in April. I think there was multiple reasons, my ex was there. I don't think i was ready to face what i left behind. I was also scared about what people would say. Everybody at school knows what happened. Maybe they'd give me disgusted looks in the corridors or laugh with mates. All of my past was preparing for this day. I had to make my father proud. I had to show the world i wasn't this scared little boy anymore. So i showed them. I got my uniform on. And headed out the door to my lift.

The person taking me was my social worker, she is called Lauren. She's been involved for quite some time now. She knows the situation with me and my ex. I don't really like to label her that. Her name is Isla. Lauren gave me advice about what to do if i saw or even walked past Isla. She comforted me the whole way there. She told me everything was going to be okay and that i wouldn't crash out. And that if i did all i had to do was call or text and she'd get me. I was okay with that. After the journey there of talking to Lauren, i felt ready to go in. I walked in with my head held high. People stared. Some called me Zombie boy. Some laughed. I didn't let it bother me, what's a couple jokes going to do? Put me back there? No. Not anymore.

I went to most of my lessons, although i couldn't really hold the grasp of actually following the rules. I think that part of me was still there. I walk up to english staring out the glass window. There she was. Staring right back at me. What do i do. Words go to leave my mouth. I just stand there. I think this is where my crash out begins. Nothing happened though. I turned back around and smiled to myself. She doesn't hurt me anymore. I don't hurt her. This is the way it was supposed to go. If anything i should thank her. Moving on gave me my Mill. Nothing better than that.

The school day started and my dad picked me and Lexi up from school. Me her Mill and Jack was supposed to be going out, Jack ended up cancelling so it was just us. It actually ended up being just me and Mill in the end as Lexi had gone in. Millie hadn't eaten right today. I think she doesn't like it very much. It makes me worry but i can't tell her that because then she will feel bad and not eat anything at all, i don't want her to make her feel like shit. I just went to the local market to get her something. She didn't eat it. Something was wrong. I didn't bring anything up. I cheered her up like i usually do. Tell my stupid jokes that she actually never thought were funny but she till laughed at them. Ha. Big joker.