After

Different Feeling

The next couple of days i stopped going to school, even though i managed it well i just couldn't go back. All the staring was overwhelming, i think i needed actual help from a professional before i even thought of going back to a place like that. Wasn't healthy for my EID. Especially with people looking, laughing, name calling. I couldn't do it. I worked on music instead. Practiced all my songs and sent them to Neo. I don't think i was ever going to do anything with them as i didn't really like the idea of uploading. Maybe one day i'd find the confidence too, like i did with my only hit. The one about my mum. Besides the constant urge to remove it off social media. I couldn't do that. It's part of me. Every lyric is part of me.

I saw Mill the next day. I found her interest in the Indie rock band Arctic Monkeys, deep inside me was a massive hidden fan of them. I'm glad we ended up having that in common. We listened to most of their songs that day. Went to the shops. Had a good laugh with each other. I think i needed that laugh. She asked me something before she left that night. "Who's your favourite person in the whole world if you had to pick only one." She asks looking up at me. My mind desperately tells me to say her name. I say nothing but. "Well, i don't know." I did know. I've always knew. I knew from the very first moment.

In that week i saw her 3 days in a row. Think we needed that time to ourselves a bit. We've been together for such little amount of time but it feels like forever. I want it forever. Always have and always will, i hope she wants the same. I can't even begin to picture my life without her in it. It won't ever make sense to me.
She plays bass guitar, i actually never knew that about her, but hey. Guess you learn something new everyday.

Waking up to my annoying ass alarm. I felt my nose block. God i was so ill, i hated being ill. I was actually petrified of it. Mill would agree. She hates it too. The next couple of days were music planning days. There was a lot to plan. A lot to write. A lot to direct i suppose. We got to it. It used to be 3 of us in this group. Me, Neo, and well the third. Let's just say he was unloyal to the team. Not z3s material. Better wording. 4 days later it was the day to see Mill again. We keep having these breaks apart from seeing each other which was healthy so i wasn't quite phased. Just missed how we'd hang out a lot more i suppose.

She taught me how to play bass. I was absolute ass at it. Not as good as she was. I thought it was amazing. I loved watching her play. Was peaceful. She played me the song Apocalypse by cigarettes after sex. I love that song. I love the bass. I love the way she played. I love her. I think i'm getting ahead of myself here. The following day i saw her again. I think i gave her my illness though. She was very sick. She slept on my chest for about half the day. She saw her brother that day too. Her brother is called Harry. He's in the navy. She's always said he's quite the guy but i've never met him. From her words he seems nice.

I didn't want to leave but i had too. Hopefully she felt better when i'd see her next. I hoped. Days passed and i guess i was just wondering when i'd next see her. Things were getting bad at home again. I was constantly fighting with my dad. I had no safe space to run to as she was at her friends or with her parents. I guess i just put on my headphones and zone out from everything. Think that was my safe zone when i couldn't see Mill. Music was my peace. I've always loved Music. All genres to be exact. My all time favourite was Indie. I love Indie. Despite all the arguing at home i can see Millie today. After days of her being busy. I could get away from the toxic household for a few hours. I can be with my person. What a relaxed day it was. Her mates were at the park outside her window.

So we went out to see them. I went to school with them both as kids. Ebony, and Taneesha. I was quite close with them in year 5. I remember our colour run at the end of year 6. My last actual memory before we all parted in secondary. That day was fun, and i guess it was just good to catch up.

That night i left. I felt something was off about Millie. I guess it's just been a distant week and we'd be back to normal in no time, maybe she was just tired from school. She hates school. So do i in all honesty. Who likes it?