Perish: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

12. I'd rather burn my eyelids off.

Kayax Adler

I most certainly did not expect to find a squatter sitting next to my apartment door. I wasn't even staying—but come to find out, my squatter was August. Oh, hell no.

I'd been perfectly content hiding out with my Mama and Brutus. And yeah, the one person on my side for the entirety of my career was Brutus. He was tasked and hired as my personal bodyguard by the police station. Undercover, kind of. His main job was to keep me safe, and my Mama set the entire thing up.

Little did I know, Brutus had been keeping in contact with her for weekly updates about me. I should have known—it always did feel too easy when I left North Carolina, but I was entirely too grateful that she went mom-mode where my safety was concerned.

She went home today, and I... decided not to bring up the fact that Davis was stealing from me. But we talked about me going home, and she wants me home. However, she had good points. I couldn't drop off the face of the planet—but I would be ending my false career.

It was never how I wanted it to be, and there was no way I could convince the world I had some magical epiphany. Because the only other option I had was the truth, and I didn't want anyone to know the damn truth.

I needed one last shred of my dignity intact.

August stared at me from his place on the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Great, leave." I stepped over him, slapping my card on the reader before pushing open the door. When I tried to close it, something prevented it from doing so. I turned, finding August's boot between the frame and the door. "August, get the fuck out of my apartment, or I will call security."

"I need to talk to you."

"No." I stared at those brown eyes, and I saw everything I never wanted to see. "Get the hell out of my apartment."

August heeded my demand a little too quickly as the door shut after he removed his boot. I locked it for good measure, but... I hadn't expected him to give up so easily. Like I said, I wasn't worth it—nor was I deserving of any of this.

I didn't want to know what he knew.

I'd crumble again, and I spent ten days trying to set my brain on track. I was already too emotional because Mama left this morning after promising she'd be back very soon. Hopefully with Sadie—she was going to speak with Sadie, but I doubted my former best friend wanted anything to do with me, considering I dropped off the face of the planet on her.

As I was about to walk away, I stopped myself when I heard August's voice muffled by the door. "Please know that I don't care that there's a door separating us. At least I know you're in there."

I curled my lip. "I'm going to shower. Have fun talking with the ghosts."

"You better be kidding."

"Nope."

August rapped his knuckles on the door. "Kayax, wait." I hadn't moved, but he didn't need to know that. "Can you please talk to me?" I didn't say anything, but he waited several minutes before continuing. "Okay, I want to say that I feel like you're still there, and just in case, I will make my speech to a block of wood in hopes you are on the other side."

Still, I didn't say a word.

"It's my fault, okay? I take all the blame because I didn't have to approach you a year and a half before my career even began. I was confused. Hell," He softly beat his fist against the door, and I swallowed a mouthful of air. "I still am confused about a lot of things, but it doesn't matter. I'm sorry I said I hated you. I never hated you." My brows pulled together as I looked at the floor, itching to know more but also questioning whether I could handle it. "I was just so pissed off because I couldn't figure out why I couldn't hate you. Then you said all of those things about my Dad, and I immediately got defensive--not knowing that you talking shit was your defense mechanism. You were running away to hide because I kept getting too close. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner.