Perish: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

18. I would greatly enjoy that opportunity, yes.

Kayax Adler

I was doing my little dancy-dance while I waited for the only person I could talk to about the explosion in my mind. Was there a little bit of squealing going on? Yes, but no one ever needed to know that. 

I didn't even have it in me to think about the potential consequences. After I was kissed by someone who made me feel like I was worth something--that I mattered--I couldn't bring myself to talk myself into circles and ruin it. I didn't want to ruin it. I refused to ruin this. 

August Luna literally kissed me stupid.

Spoiler alert, I think I did forget my name for a few seconds there.

Did I deserve him? Fuck no, but he wanted me, and even though I had no idea what that meant, I would go with the flow for right now. He made me feel... cherished for the first time in my life. Well, by someone outside of my family. Okay, someone other than my Mama. The context in which I felt cherished was the first time someone made me feel cherished, and I was kind of attached to him already.

No doomsday thinking right now. 

Because if one kiss made me feel like I could breathe again, then I imagined it would only take looking him in the eye once more before I was scouring my brain to figure out a way to explain to his parents that I meant no harm. Even if that meant at least exposing the partial truth about my life with Davis Adler. 

Shit, I was already thinking about it.

Stop, Kayax! It was one kiss! It's not like it's your fucking wedding day.

Damn it, I wanted to call my Mama and tell her, but I was waiting until I spoke to Brutus. Mama was encouraging me to go after August, but I'd normally leave that part out of the conversation. I was scared to go after him, and I felt lucky enough that August read me like a book and helped me chase what I wanted for once.

I've also decided that I was going home to North Carolina very soon. Not to live, but I wanted to revisit my old life for a little bit because I had a feeling that I wouldn't be moving home if everything went well. I planned to rebrand, but I felt like my only opportunity to go home would be before I set up new hires and got my life back in order. 

After that happened, I would be busy all the time because I wanted to get back to making music. 

But going home was needed.

My binder full of songs was there, and I needed to retrieve it. 

My rebrand would include the career I imagined for myself, and however, that looked for me, I didn't know anymore, but I'd find it. It was time to change the narrative, and no, kissing August didn't give me this confidence. I already had it the moment Brutus believed I could. 

Plus, August had no idea about my plans yet. I didn't get a chance to even talk to him after Salem entered the picture. He hung off me until August had to peel him away so I could go home. I felt a little on edge being there because Lennox decided to show up. Well, it was his son's apartment, but still.

I wondered if Brutus would come with me to North Carolina because I truly had to do that very soon. I figured it would also give me time to think about what I wanted my rebrand to look like. Being home would definitely help me find my passion again because my passion was currently a little fractured and bent around.

But it felt possible again.

Brutus finally walked into the room, and the second he took one look at me, he threw his head back and groaned. A slow smile spread onto my face because he knew that I had something to blab about, and I didn't have to say a word. I loved our new dynamic. I mean, he made me feel like I could be something, and I hoped he stuck around for a while. I was kind of attached to him.