Perish: Book Three (bxb) ✔️

35. My last name.

August Luna

I wasn't nervous at all, and I definitely wasn't secretly checking to see if I'd sweated through this very nice shirt that Kayax picked out for me this morning. I was going to give him the two options this morning, but then he was called into work. So, you know, I sat at home while I paced a line into the fucking floor. Then, I had to individually text my family members to tell them to keep their mouths closed because I hadn't gotten to ask him yet. 

Kayax was in the group chat.

Pause.

Kayax was the favorite child in the group chat.

See, and then my beautiful boyfriend arrived home, and then he was hungry. I couldn't resist those damn eyes, and I loved doing things for him, so I made him dinner while he sat on the counter and told me about his day. So, okay, that wasn't so bad. Except, then, he had the indication that I was hiding something.

Yeah, had anyone ever seen Kayax when he became more useful than the K-9 unit's bomb-sniffing dogs? He knew I reeked of secrets, but I managed to throw him off my trail by telling him another thing was bothering me. I mentioned how I'd been struggling with feeling good enough, and then he validated me because he was a good fucking person, and god, I loved him. 

Now, I wasn't lying to him by hiding the fact that I was going to... kind of propose? I didn't even know what to call this. But I didn't want him to have a reason to suspect me, otherwise it could end in disaster. No one wanted that.

I picked out a ring the day after getting Mama's approval, and thank goodness she knew his ring size because I was about to chew on an electric line to give myself the power to get through this. I was spiraling because Kayax didn't wear rings very often. It depended, but sometimes he did. He made my life harder; I wanted to make that known right here and now. 

No, he didn't.

Only where the ring size issue was concerned. I had just gotten lucky that Mama knew it. Lucy for the win, but I still felt like I was dying. 

We were sitting in the garden on one of the wooden benches under the tree. He had his legs propped up on mine, typing away on his computer. It wasn't his fault. He usually came out here to get some work done and have some peace at the same time, and I did usually sit with him quietly. But now I didn't know how to segway into... 'Hey, do you want to marry me for my last name or for real? I'm good with either; just let me know!' because how did one even do that? 

"My darling?"

I turned my head, seeing Kayax peeking over his laptop screen at me. He was so fucking precious. Those eyes were so... content. I only hoped I didn't screw it up by accidentally making him feel pressured. "Yes, Kaya?"

He sat up from leaning against the arm of the bench, closing his laptop before setting it aside. Then he pressed the back of his hand gently against my cheek. "Are you feeling okay? You're looking a little pale. Hm, and you're not warm, but you're sweating a little bit."

Thanks, honey. 

Just over here trying to figure out how to not screw up my wording here. I cleared my throat, taking his hands in mine. "We need to talk." The instant panic made me realize that I had already screwed up. Yay me. "No, no." I slipped one of my hands free and cupped his cheek. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Luckily, he calmed instantly. Sorry, Kayax, the fucking ringbox in my pocket somehow weighs thirty tons more than the two pounds it was when I picked it up yesterday morning. "But it is important, and no, you didn't do anything wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect."