The White Rabbit

33.) Tyler's Baby

I continue staring at Dean trying to gauge him but the tears welling in my eyes create a shimmery fog over my eyes that distorted everything. He's sitting there with a perturbed look on his face and his shoulders slumped. He drags his hands through his hair with utter confusion then rubs his face. The sound of his rough hands against his stubble like sandpaper fill the air.

"Dean...please say something..." I finally break the cold silence.

"Who...who told you that?" He stumbles to spit out with one eyebrow popped up with confusion.

"My nurse. She told me before you got here. I haven't had much time to process everything and I'm just...it's all just...it's all just a lot." I break down crying because I am finally with someone who I can let my walls down for.

"Audj...Luke...Luke is MY son... I've been caring for him for the past three weeks. Your mom has been sleeping on our couch helping me. She's at home with him right now for Christ's sakes." Dean spits out angrily.

"Wh-wait...what? The nurse-" I stutter to speak.

"Is a fucking idiot...excuse my language but it's been a whirlwind Audj. I wait a week for those paternity test results and for a nurse to say Luke is Tyler's to you and shake you up like that? It's insulting. She should've said she wasn't certain and not said a damn thing because clearly she wasn't." He says with steam practically coming out of his ears.

It wasn't an anger directed at me but an anger that originates from sheer exhaustion. The emotional weight he must've been carrying these last three weeks must've been heavy. And then for me to finally wake up and reunite with him just to have me assume that Luke isn't his...devastating.

"Dean, I-I'm so sorry...I just thought..."I choke on the words.
"Audrey, this isn't your fault. I'm not even angry. Just frustrated that you were lied to and your emotions were sent through a whirlwind, I'm just so glad I have you. That Luke has his Mom." Dean says grounding himself again and pulling me in towards him and kissing my forehead softly.
Luke is Dean's son. It's like the weight of those words hadn't set in yet that this entire life I built in my head of split custody came crumbling down and it felt so good. So freeing and liberating. I felt like I could breathe again.
"When can I meet him?" I whisper softly.
"As soon as he's up for the day. He's been waking up around 5am lately but once the visiting opens at 7, your mom said she'll bring him. He's beautiful, Audrey! So beautiful." He grins from ear to ear.
"He's probably so big now...I've missed so much." I say with a crack in my voice because he's not going to know me.

This isn't what I wanted for us. I wanted to be there from day one but now I feel robbed of it all. I didn't get the take the baby from the hospital moment or the Hot Dad walk out of the hospital. Forever I will have no memory of his first month of life because I was here...fighting for my life and rotting away in a hospital bed.

"Don't...don't think about that okay! You're here. You're with us now. You fought so hard, Audrey. Don't for a second feel bad for missing anything because you could've missed so much more. I mean...you're allowed to mourn missing that month but don't for a second fill guilty for it. You're here and that's what matters. You're gonna be his mom for a very long time." Dean soothes.

"You're right...you're right..." I blink away the tears slowly.

"What did I miss these three weeks? How did Tyler take the news? Are my parents okay? How is everyone? What about the house? Did we move yet? Are we still moving? What is Luke like?" I ramble out fast with all the burning questions in my head.

"Woah...slow down... okay. Lemme answer one at a time." He chuckles giving my hand a squeeze.

"Tyler seemed relieved but also heartbroken. I think he thought this was his last chance to claim you and it failed. So he was relieved to not be a Dad but heartbroken that he lost his last chance with you." Dean shrugged and I nodded for him to keep going.

"Your parents have been in New York a lot lately just helping with Luke. They've been so in love with Luke but worried so much about you. They came to visit you constantly, we all have. Luke and I came almost every day after work." Dean grins but it's slightly broken as though he's reminiscing on broken memories.

I exhale slowly,"and the house?" I pause waiting on his breath.

"It's been hard to work on it with everything going on but...it's coming along..." Dean smirks locking eyes with mine.

"Wait...we actually got it? It's ours ours?" I gasp.

"Ya, it's ours Audj! Your brothers have been helping a lot to get it ready. Once you're released from the hospital. We can move into it." He smiles and gives my hand a squeeze.

"Do we even have a timeline for that? I just want to go home and being with my family. You and Luke." I melt into the bed feeling like I've been glued to it for far too long.

I know I haven't been...sentient for all the happenings of the world but I feel like I've been here an eternity. My body knows it has. My brain just doesn't.

"No, there's alot of progress to be made before that. But you're a fighter Audj. You'll get there. And then once you're out, we have forever." He says softly looking into my eyes as though they've been strangers to him for weeks.

"Forever sounds really nice..." I whisper as his lips close the gap between us and for a moment it feels like the first time we kissed.

The energy, the spark, the flame, it was all reignited in that moment. Everything was right with the world and it all clicked into place. I don't know what I did to deserve Dean Gulligan but I sure am glad I did it. He's everything to me.

"And Luke?" I smile.

"He's such a good baby, Audj. He has the biggest brown eyes and these chunky cheeks that don't quit. He's very head strong and knows what he likes and what he wants even at one month old. You're gonna love him. And he's gonna love you." Dean coos.

"I am so desperate to see him again. Everything went dark so fast... I don't even remember what he looks like." I say while my eyes begin to get misty. 

"Do you want to look at some videos? Some pictures?" Dean offers with a grin.

I pause for a moment almost caving at the offer.

"N-no. I want to study his real face in person like I would've done had I been here. And then you can show me videos and pictures." I say with confidence in my breath.

"I like that idea." Dean nods plants his lips onto mine once more.

"Alright, You need to rest before Luke gets here so I am going to go...I don't want to but I know if I don't we're going to stay up talking until the sun comes up and you need sleep so you can recover." He states with a chuckle pulling away from our kiss leaving me visible craving more.

I pout at him knowing he's absolutely right because we always use to do that. Stay up way too late laying in bed with the lights off laughing and chatting about everything under the moon. It's exactly the type of couple we were. Almost like a sleepover with your best friend. Except he's your boyfriend with major benefits.

"I hate when you think logically. You better bring me Luke the second he wakes up!" I beg.

"You know I will. He's been waiting his entire life for this." He smiles then kisses me on the head before heading towards the door.

"Im serious, Dean. I want that sleepy face still on Luke's face. I need him freshly awake! Do what you must." I joke and he nods with a wink.

"I'll see what I can do. I love you so much. I've missed those beautiful eyes of yours. See you in the morning." He nods with a grin before shutting the heavy door behind him.