Luminous Fire

38. Insight

The verdict like someone said! Enjoy :)! And I did like seeing your comments on the previous chapter! Keep them coming.

----------------------

I have avoided being alone with Ky, since his confession. Just thinking about it has my heart beating against my chest and warmth spreading throughout my body. I can't be, no, I can't be. It would be too soon. I shake my head. I have to stop avoiding him. The twins have noticed because they asked this morning if I'm mad at Kyle. When I asked why Celestine said that I spend all the evenings with them. I can't avoid him, we live in the same house. It's rude and immature to leave him without an answer.

"Cristian we need to talk." Ky tells me cornering me after making sure the twins are asleep.

I hear Ryan's voice. You need to talk to him. Accept the feelings you've developed towards him. I nod and follow him when he turns around. He takes a seat on the couch and I follow his lead, leaving as much space as possible. I think I see hurt in his eyes before he masks it.

"What have you thought?" Ky asks. "Will you give us a chance?"

Straight to the point. I think.

"I promise I won't ever hurt you intentionally. I love you and Angel and Celestine."

"I...I'm not sure." I say; I see his face fall. "I want to, but I don't know if I'm ready. I don't want to hurt you."

"Is that a yes?" He asks with hope.

I can't say no. You have to give yourself a chance for happiness. You deserve it. I hear Ryan's voice. I look at Ky, he has always been there for me, for us, and I do find him attractive and my fears go away around him. He's helped. I feel my heartbeat against my chest and the warmth spread throughout my body even now. "Yes." I whisper.

Ky grins and he tentatively kisses me, a short kiss, but I feel the love in it. My hand goes to caress his cheek. He leans in to my touch closing his eyes.

"What if it doesn't work?" I whisper voicing my fear.

He opens his eyes to hold my gaze. "It will work. You can have all the time you want." Ky promises.

"I want it to work, but I'm afraid it might be too soon."

"Does it feel too soon?" Ky asks.

No, it feels right. I shake my head.

"Are you still in love with Xavier?"

I shake my head. "No, but it was five years together." I don't want a repeat of Xavier and I's last year together.

"I understand. I'll wait until you're ready. I won't rush you."

"I don't want you waiting."

"You are worth the wait..." Ky takes my hands in between his. "I've waited for you since our junior year in college."

My eyes widen.

"I can wait some more if I have to."

"You've waited this long?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Is that why you were always so hesitant to be in a relationship?"

"Yes and no. I knew I had lost my chance with you. I didn't want to give anyone hope when my heart belongs to you. The few relationships that I had failed because I couldn't give myself away to that person. They always figured out why."

"I'm sorry." I say.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It was all on me."

"You were always there for me when I needed you. You had to see me marry and build a family with Xavier. Why didn't you ever say anything? It could have been different."

"Would it have really made a difference?"

"I don't know. I almost asked you to be my best man...that would have been horrible for you."

"If you must know when I returned from studying abroad I was going to tell you, but you seemed so happy with Xavier. I was afraid things would change in our relationship if I said anything."

"Oriel's jokes weren't jokes?" I ask remembering Oriel, saying, Y'all better be dressed.

"No, he found out after I returned."

"Why didn't I see it?" I question myself.

"Don't feel guilty. There is nothing to feel guilty about. It was my choice not to act. It's in the past now. Let's focus on the present."

"But it could have changed things."

"We won't know now. We have another chance." Ky says holding my hand in his.

I lean against him. We both get lost in our own thoughts.

He has always been there for me. I missed him so much when I couldn't see him every other weekend at least. I felt something was missing. I love him, but have I always been in love with him? There must be some truth in it because these feelings I'm having toward him in such a short time are intense. I didn't even feel like this for Xavier. But then what did I feel towards Xavier? "Xavier thought you were in love with me." I whisper. "He told me when we visited you. I denied it. I didn't believe it." Xavier held on to that.

"He knew?" Ky asks. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"For whatever arguments you both had because of me."

"It...you weren't to blame for whatever happened in our marriage." I shouldn't have brought it up.

"Still--"

"It's in the past. Now I know." I didn't think I would be in a relationship this soon. Am I ready to be in a relationship? I really hope we don't ruin our friendship if this doesn't work.

---------------------

Thank you for reading, commenting, and/or voting.

Only a few more chapters before it ends.