Luminous Fire

33. Turmoil

Here it is at last. 

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How am I going to do this? I keep asking myself. I didn't go with them last time to see Xavier. I stayed outside the room with Ryan. Xavier probably looks different too, but that doesn't change that I don't want to be close to him. How am I going to take the twins? As much as I would like to keep them from seeing him in this state I can't; he's their father too. I don't want them feeling bad for what he did. I don't want them questioning it again.

*

Flashback

"Daddy, why didn't you come with us?" Celestine asks.

"I just couldn't see your dad."

"He was really mean to you." Angel states. "He's a bad person."

I stared at him with wide eyes.

"I don't want to see him again." Angel states his voice hard. "He did hurt you. He hurt us."

My eyes fill with unshed tears. "No, chunky monkey, he's not a bad person. He just made a bad choice. You can both see him again if you want. Remember, he is your dad too and he has always loved you both very much. He hurt me not you both. He's sick." I hug them both.

*

I don't want Angel's image of Xavier to follow him for the rest of his life. I don't want it tainting his experiences.

I can't imagine how he looks. His lawyer said that he's out of it most of the time. I didn't want details. I just know his health has deteriorated quicker than anticipated. I have to go in with them, so that they, especially Angel believes what I said...he made a bad choice then.

"Daddy!" Angel exclaims.

They're back. I run my hand down my face. "Yes, Angel." I respond with a smile.

"We saw a baby giraffe!" He exclaims running in.

"Yes, daddy. Have you seen one?" Celestine asks.

"No, not a baby giraffe."

"You should have come, daddy!" Celestine exclaims.

"I couldn't go, remember I had an important meeting."

"We know, daddy." Angel says.

"How did it go?" Oriel asks.

"It went fine." I reply. "Thanks for going."

"No problem. I do love going to the zoo. I'm going to drag my husband there this weekend." Oriel grins.

I smile. Everytime he says, husband he grins and his eyes are filled with happiness.

"Does Alex not like going to the zoo?" Celestine asks.

"He kind of doesn't. He thinks all animals should live in the wild not at zoo." Oriel explains.

"Oh." Celestine says.

"Yes, but I'll make him go to the zoo. We have to go see the baby giraffe." Oriel states.

"Okay."

"What are we eating?" Angel asks. "I'm hungry."

"What did you eat during the trip?" I ask.

"We--Oriel remembers." Angel states.

I turn to look at Oriel, "We ate healthy food." Orile responds.

I arch my eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe not all of it was healthy."

"So what was healthy?"