Luminous Fire

27. A Dose

It begins...

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It's been three months in total, since Xavier said he was establishing the office and assuming his new position. Today, he arrived just in time for dinner, fortunately, I still make extra food. Xavier looks angry. Tiptoeing around it, I serve dinner. I wonder what happened. I've never seen him like this. It's not like we weren't here anyways if that's it, it is a school night.

"Hi dad." Celestine greets.

Xavier responds with a curt nod.

She turns to me like to ask why he didn't respond. I interrupt by asking her if she wants orange or apple juice. Angel stays quiet except to respond to my question. I start the conversation, I ask them about the preparation for the spring concert. They don't need more prompting. They talk about the songs they need to learn and about being told they will need to bring a flashlight.

"Dad, can you buy us one with a color light?" Celestine asks.

After no response from Xavier, I respond, "We will have to see what we find."

"Okay, but I would like a blue light."

"I want a green light." Angel states.

"We will go to the store and see what we find." I state.

"Okay."

"Who wants dessert? We have apple crisp." I say. 

"What has you in such a mood?" I ask him when the twins go get ready for bed.

"Nothing." Xavier responds. 

"If it wasn't anything, then you wouldn't be in such a mood. The twins noticed too, so I'm not making it up. You weren't answering them when they asked you a question." 

"It has nothing to do with any of you." Xavier responds turning around.

"Then, leave the work at work." I grab his arm because I want to see his face. There is something going on. I want to know what.

Xavier snatches his arm and pushes me. My back hits the wall and I wince at the pain. 

When I look at Xavier, his eyes are widen, and he is coming closer to me. 

"Are you all right?" Xavier asks.

I don't answer.

"I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry."

I just stare at him.

He gives me a shake. "Cristian are you all right?"

"I have to go check on the twins." I say getting away from him.

When I enter the twins' bedroom, Angel asks if I'm all right. I wasn't able to successfully mask my expression. I sit down on the rocking chair to read them tonight's story, The Giving Tree. Reading it makes me think of how I've been feeling lately; I'm putting effort into the marriage, but it doesn't always seem enough and tonight what happened. I wipe my eyes before tears spill. I'm not going to cry. Fortunately, tonight the twins have fallen asleep before I finish reading. I give them a goodnight kiss. 

Angel says, "Goodnight, love you, papa."

I smile, I thought he was asleep, "Goodnight my chunky monkey."

I go to the kitchen for a glass of water. Xavier isn't there or in the living room, he must be in the bedroom. I walk towards the bedroom when I see him in the twin's bedroom. I make my way to the bedroom, I place the glass of water down before heading towards the restroom. I debate if I should even sleep in the same bed. I could sleep in the couch, but in the rare chance I oversleep the twins will know something is wrong; more wrong than there has been.