Luminous Fire

21. Gladsome

Another update this week! Enjoy.

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When Xavier comes home on Friday night, I wait until the twins are in bed before I talk to him. I had decided it was a conversation better in person than over the phone. 

“Your work trips are causing some harm.” I say.

“Why? It’s part of my job.”

“Because Celestine asked if you love your work more than them.”

“You know I don’t. I just want you all to have everything you all need and it’s part of my job.”

“We do have everything we need, except you here when we need you.”

“I don’t want you missing out on anything.”

“If you are talking about money, we can afford everything with the both of us working, you could scale back on the trips.”

“You know I can’t. I’m the supervisor of those projects.”

“You shouldn’t miss milestones in the twins’ lives. She asked why you were missing another first day of school. I did not like seeing her cry over you not being here.”

“I try to give most of the jobs to others, but sometimes I have to take them because of the importance.”
“Think about what is more important in the long run, Xavier. Having children and especially now, it’s important that we’re both there for them. They grow everyday.”

“I know.”

“Just think about it. They had so much to say after their first day of school. They like their teacher and their classmates. They like learning.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” I say as I lie down. “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Xavier says giving me a kiss.

The next day, Xavier takes us to the aquarium. The twins are excited to go see the different animals there. We stop at the gift shop, Angel asks for a stuff whale and Celestine asks for a book with animals A through Z. I’m about to say, we are not buying them something today, but Xavier responds with a yes. It just makes it seem he thinks material things will make us happy or maybe he has always thought that, but I’ve ignored it.

I think about our dates, the gifts he has given me, all of them have something in common, most of them were expensive. I thought it was just because he wanted to show how much he cared for each of us, but what if it’s the only way he knows how to? No, it can’t be. He has also done some non-money things with us.

“Why did you say yes to the twins when they asked if we could buy them what they wanted at the aquarium?” I ask.

“Because they wanted it.” Xavier states like it is obvious.

“You know we can’t buy them everything they ask for. We have to show them that there are limitations.”

“But it’s not like they have what they asked for.”

“I know, but you can’t always say yes. Do you think that is how you can compensate for not being here for their first day of school; by taking us to the aquarium and buying them gifts?”

“No, I had already planned on doing that.”

“I don’t think you know you’re doing it. They love having you around, not what you buy them. Memories are what they will remember.”