Noah's Winter

Chapter Thirty Two

Finally, I was on the outskirts of school property; I walked to the edge of the hill I was standing on, and peered down on the gloomy town I lived in. The image of Noah burned deep in my memory. His face was full of pain and shock. I had never seen so much hurt in those violet eyes of his, not even when he spoke of his dreadful father. I felt terrible for saying those things to him, and my mother. To my defense, I argued with myself, I did it out of love. I loved them so much and I wanted my death to be less painful to them. I knew no matter how mean and ruthless I was to them they'd never stop loving me. Hot tears stung my frozen cheeks and my heart ached so badly. It felt like someone had ripped it out and stomped on it, and I knew it was because I had told Noah I didn't love him. I never wanted him to think that, he needed to know that I love him and always will, even if he didn't love me in the end.

With a sigh I pulled my hood over my now drenched hair, ready to turn back, and apologize to Noah, and my family but paused. My cold pale fingers lingered on my soaked fake hair. Anger boiled hot in my blood and I grasped each sewed in piece and yanked out the very expensive hair extensions, throwing them to the snow covered ground. I went to kick them but slipped and fell on my butt. The pain over took my bottom and I cried out. Great, that would definitely bruise. I was thankful for the snow, making my fall a bit softer. I tried to get up but my weak legs wouldn't work. My head was throbbing and my bones felt weak. What was I doing? Why was I even trying to go to school? I didn't have much time left, and I wanted to spend out my days with loved ones, right? What did I care for the kids at school? Most of them stopped visiting me after a week in the hospital.

I thought of my mother. With her freckled skin and messy red hair. She was the best mom I could ever ask for. She was so understanding and she juggled everything like it was nothing. She took in the bad with a smile and spread love to everyone around her. I would miss her warm smile and the way she would rub my head until I fell asleep.

I thought of my father; who I could always count on. I remembered all the times I would come home and hang out in the garage with him while he worked, and he never failed to put a smile on my face. Whenever I was scared I would turn to him and he would wrap me up in his strong arms. I loved the close relationship I had with my father, and it was a love that only grew as time went on. I would miss our summer yard work and how we would reward ourselves with a game at the baseball park. I would miss everything about him.

I thought of Jake; my dear brother. I would miss those mocking blue eyes and the countless noggies he gave me. I would miss our food eating contests. He was the funnies kid I knew, and I was glad that he had a full life ahead of him. All Jake had to do was walk in a room and people were drawn to him. He had a certain charisma about him; I only hoped he used it for good. I hoped he got back into swimming too. I loved my brother so much.

Finally, my thoughts turned to Noah. My love for him wasn't like the love for my family. It was an intoxicating love that captured my heart. No one else would ever have my heart, not the way he had it. He was so strongwilled, he had the motivation and strength to get through anything. He was fierce when he needed to be but the most loving person at the same time. I would miss his affectionate kisses and his warm hand intertwined with mine. I would always miss hearing his beautiful laugh and his funny stories. Most of all, I would miss those startling violet eyes that hypnotized me; looking deep into my soul and becoming one with me. I only hoped he would move on and be happy. Of course what we shared was one of a kind, a love that would continue on, but he deserved peace. I knew once I passed that Noah would go to our Willow tree, which had been our safe haven for so long, knowing my spirit would be there.

With a peaceful sigh I knew I was ready. I was ready to let go and I was ready to let my family move on. I pulled out my cell phone and called Noah to come get me.