THE LEFTOVERS

60. Emotional Turmoil

"She tried to warn me Steve," Bucky let out a big sigh as he was at the end of telling Steve what have happened.

Bucky had never felt worse in his life. It felt like someone had torn out his heart, and held it dangling in front of him. Still, it was nothing he could do to get his heart back in place. You were unreachable. Words couldn't describe how much Bucky appreciated Steve in moments like these. Bucky wasn't good at speaking, or expressing himself, so Steve had removed him from the location and brought him home to the mansion, while a team was looking over the place. It had taken Bucky awhile just to stop hitting every wall he saw, then right after he went into a strategic mode, where he talked like a machine over the technicalities of what happened. Bucky didn't know what stage he was entering now.

"It's not your fault," Steve said.

Bucky recognized that Steve was trying to be kind, and to calm him, but at this moment, such feelings had no place inside of Bucky's heart. The sound of your scream haunted him, reminding him of the danger he had put you in. It was not denying that if it wasn't for him, you would never be in this situation. Maybe you would be in casualties, but with your innocent nature, nobody would purposely target you, like these monsters had done now. You were a lamb, taken by the wolves. Bucky's hands shaped into a fist, as he frustrated hit the wall, breaking through it. His eyes began to tear up, as he hid his face inside his elbow.

"She would've never been in this position if it weren't from me," Bucky whispered.

But Steve heard it. Of course, he understood the frustration Bucky must be holding into, but he also knew that at this moment it didn't help anyone. Whatever turmoil, he is feeling, is clouding his focus. Steve knew Bucky wanted you home, and it was only one way of doing so, if everyone kept calm and collected. Slowly he walked over to his friend, laid a hand on his shoulder, before turning him around, hugging him.

"We will find her," Steve reassured Bucky as he let go.

"What if it's too late?" Bucky was swallowing his own words, Steve had never seen his friend like this.

Steve squeezed his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"It won't be," Steve tried to push up a smile, but it was too weak to offer any sincere comfort.

"She is not like us, Steve," Bucky whispered, staring into the wall.

"I know," Steve clinched his jaw.

"She won't-She won't-" Bucky feared what they could've done to you, he couldn't even finish his sentences.

Steve hated seeing his friend like this, but before he could comfort him, an S.H.I.E.L.D agent came in, disturbing them.

"Mr Rogers and Mr Barnes, we have a report on the miss-" She began, but Bucky with his temperament tore her apart before she could even finish speaking.

"Please get out, I don't care about any other miss-" Bucky was shouting, getting all up into the agent, as he felt his blood boil. If anyone thought he was going to be able to focus on any mission over you, they were fools. Suddenly laying a hand on his chest, Sam popped up behind the agent, pushing his friend gently back.

"Hey, don't take it out on them, you're going to want to hear what they are saying," Sam warned Bucky.

Bucky looked into Sam's eyes with confusion, but took some steps back, trying to calm himself. However, little would help him to concentrate beside getting the location of where you were. He wasn't sure how he would react when he would get it. Normally Bucky felt emotionless while fighting, it was what helped him. Now he was anything but emotionless. He was frustrated, afraid, but most of all filled with rage.

"I should've said it's about your case, about the lost woman," The agent stood corrected.

Bucky immediately turned around to face the agent, he just needed a clue. Something to grasp into. Anything.

"Her mother... has been calling her phone constantly for the last hour, she seems irritated for her daughter not showing up....we're just wondering if this is an official missing person case why the close family haven't been infor-" Bucky's heart sank deeper than it had ever before.

The agent's words faded away. How could he tell your mother? What could he tell her? Bucky couldn't lie to her, not because she would see right through it, but because your mother deserved to know the truth. You, her daughter, were in real danger, because of him. The knot got tighter. Your mother would question why because of him. The true answer was because he loves her, and was being careless, and some bad people wanted to take advantage of it. He could already hear her questions.

You had insisted on telling her, not because of love. Fuck no, but because you thought it might be easier for them to just know. You feared that they would find out about the wrong way. When you said that, Bucky was sure you meant it in an adorable, two teenagers sneaking around, holding hands, getting caught. Not possibly because he would put you to risk, and now would have to explain how he harmed you. Oh, how much Bucky wished he had listened to you. Instead, he had spoken against you, for not wishing to tell them. He had said something stupid as 'just see how things goes, whatever happen, happens', and he hated himself for saying something so foolish.

"Buck, if you want me to, I'll go over and tell-" Steve offered, finally breaking Bucky out of his storm.

"No, it should be me," Bucky swallowed.

"It should be me," His eyes shut.

He was not ready.