Delicate

lovedar

୭ ˚○◦˚. Theo ୭ ˚○◦˚.

"And I defended you to all my friends"

March 28, 2005

"I don't know, Theo," Asher sighed from across the table. "I think you might be blinded by love."

"I'm not blinded by shit," I shot back, annoyance building inside me.

Asher was giving me advice—if you could even call it that—on my girl 'troubles'. I didn't think I was having any trouble but he was convinced that Gracelyn is in love with Johnny. I knew she had feelings for him awhile back but apparently Asher's 'lovedar'—yes he actually used that word—was picking up some serious tension from Grace and Johnny.

It of course didn't help when I told him she was in Dublin with Johnny and his family. Asher nearly had a tantrum over the fact I was still dating the girl, even after I informed him that Johnny's sister is her best friend.

"I'm telling you, Theodore," he pushed. "I was in the stands during your game and she was doing an awful lot of staring, and it wasn't at you."

"So, what? You want me to break up with her because you think she loves Johnny Kavanagh?" Hostility laced my tone but I couldn't help it. The lad was obviously delusional because Grace and I were happy together.

"Who loves Johnny Kavanagh?" Mia asked as she returned to the table with a can of coke in hand.

"No one," I huffed at the same time Asher said, "Grace."

"Your girlfriend loves someone else?" Mia's eyes widened.

"Mia! Don't say that," Ivory gasped, her eyes flicking from Mia to me.

"It's true," Asher shrugged. "The lovedar never lies."

"What the fuck is a lovedar?" Mia wrinkled her nose.

"Language!" I shot her a look of disapproval.

"It's like a gaydar but with love," he replied seriously.

"So, you have a gaydar and a lovedar?" Mia laughed, cracking open her can of coke.

"Half a gaydar," he corrected her. "I'm bisexual, Mimi, not gay."

"Whatever, half a gaydar then," Mia shrugged. "Why is Grace in love with Johnny? I mean, not why, because hello it's Johnny Kavanagh, but why do we think she is?"

I mentally rolled my eyes. Mia and Asher always ganged up on me, they were both extroverts with intense personalities and they were not who I wanted to have this conversation with.

"I'm glad you asked. It's because she looks at Johnny like he just created the world with his bare hands when her eyes are supposed to be on Theo." Asher's expression was laced with sympathy but also a smidge of anger, "she seems like a nice enough girl but she's fucking with your heart. I'm giving you this warning now and you better hear it."

"I don't need a fucking warning," I snapped, fed up by this conversation. "Grace is a good person, she wouldn't do something like that. I don't give a shit about your 'lovedar' because I know her, you don't."

Ivory reached across the table and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze and me a sympathetic smile.

"I'm not trying to get you angry. I'm just telling you how it is," he shrugged. "I'll be here when she breaks your heart, and if you want to egg her house, or his."

The lad was driving me crazy. Grace wasn't in love with Johnny. It was obvious she'd hang around him, that was her best friend's brother and yeah, maybe they had history, but that's all it is—history.

"I can get down with that," Mia raised her can in approval.

"Stop bugging Theo," Ivory worried her bottom lip.

"Don't worry, Ivs," I shot her a smile.

"Whatever, lad," Asher sighed. "She's probably in Dublin riding Johnny till the sun comes up."

"What the fuck?" I narrowed my eyes at him, "First, do you want me to punch you? Second, there are kids around! And third, why the hell would you put that thought in my mind?"

"To give you a reality check, buddy," he offered. "Sometimes the truth hurts, and this might just be one of those times."

"I don't need this lecture. I know what I'm doing, just mind yourself," I scoffed, angrily sifting through my plate of chips.

"It's all love, drummer boy," Asher reached across the table and ruffled my hair.

"Theo, can I go to Macie's for a sleepover?" Mia asked, eyes trained on her phone.

It was a simple question but it made me twinge with sadness. That was a question for a parent not an older brother, but here I was being the parent in her eyes.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Can her mam pick you up?"

"Yes, she said at half six."

"Okay, that's fine with me."

"Mia, no," Ivory's eyes filled with fear as she looked to her older sister.

Ivory was still stuck on the fact that our father was fucked in the head. She didn't quite understand just how terrible he was and she took so much comfort in Mia and I. If one of us wasn't home, she got this anxious demeanour and spent the rest of the night tearing up and jumping at every sound.

Mia and I were her bodyguards, me especially, and when one of us wasn't there, something bad was bound to happen.

"You'll be fine, Ivy," Mia wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Theo will be home, you know he's the best big brother ever."

Asher eyed me and I knew what he was thinking. That we made plans to go to Biddies tonight with a few other lads. I shook my head at him and he gave me a curt nod. He knew better than to push me.

"Yeah," I nodded. "We can watch a movie and get ice cream, how's that sound?"

"Okay," she sniffled.

It wasn't the first time I had to cancel plans for the sake of my sisters, and I knew it wouldn't be the last either. It was the price I paid for being the oldest, and the strongest.

I'd do it for them though.
I'd pick them everytime.
There was no doubt about it.