Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I've been constantly floating through life these past few days.
The trial is in 2 weeks and there were so many rules to this shit.
I used to watch a little Judge Judy when I was younger and now I get why they rarely showed behind-the-scenes because it's nowhere near as entertaining as they portray clearly.
Surprisingly my mom was quick with everything and was able to get one of the best lawyers in not only New York but the country. Although something tells me she did it for her own benefit and reputation. hell, it's not just something telling me it's my mind knowing my mother.
It's like my life has been on pause and I'm waiting for something to hit play. I just don't know what will do it who knows it might be under my nose waiting for me to notice it.
Most of my classes are online except for a health class that I take in the morning. School has been nothing but tiring especially because since I've made all the headlines already making the gossip absolutely unbearable.
Gossip isn't new to me but something about this feels way too different and more people feel entitled to talk to me. I'm so fucking tired of all the "Hey are you ok" and "sorry for what happened" from people I know good and well-talked mad shit about me.
I have barely been speaking to anyone and say nothing but hi's and bye's to even my best friends Rami and Ivy.
I'm just not ready to open myself up at all. It's like these days silence seems to be my go-to vibe, it's like I'm not even myself.
Dillain, Killian, Elise, Derek, and Elaine have been stopping by my room occasionally to check on me which I do appreciate. The look in their eyes has changed when they talk to me and it only makes me scared because now I have 5 more people I might have to let in.
it's all just too much and I hope when people say time heals everything it's nothing but the truth.
There's one reoccurring name that keeps ringing in my head and I'm not sure if I did the right thing pushing him away.
In the hallways, Kai doesn't even spare one glance at me and the feeling makes my heart drop even though I'm the one who requested some time and space.
I'm not sure if he's mad at me or has forgotten my existence, I feel like I'm not supposed to care although I can't help it.
I stare at my MacBook my eyes spacing out at the coursework in front of me, it's currently around 5 in the evening and I'm finding trouble clearing up all that's on my mind.
I know just what I need to do.
***
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I focus on the punching bag in front of me and picture that bastard giving everything I've got.
"Kai"
it could be in a week, a month, or years but when I see Rick he might as well be a dead man walking.
I can't believe he hurt her.
I can't even look at her although thankfully Rick's not the reason why.
"Kai"
If I were to look at her like I truly wanted to it would break me completely, with her I don't want there to be such a thing as time and space. When she had first said that I got flashbacks to when Vera had ended things.
my heart dropped when she rejected my touch even though all I wanted to do was feel her warmth. Her smile, laugh, and the way we gossiped about our favorite TV shows I missed it all.
"KAI!!"
I snap out of my trance and wipe my sweaty face with my shirt before looking over at the rest of my friends.
They've been seeing what I'm going through and trying to be there for me and I appreciate it but nothing feels the same anymore.
"What?", I asked panting slightly.
I look over at them observing the atmosphere and see Nolan, Jay, Rami, Ivy, and Mikey snacking while watching some crazy reality TV show.
I think they've been affected by this almost as much as me but at the end of the day their only human and aren't therapists who truly know what's going on right now.
"You good? we called you like 2 times", Jay says his long locks tied back in a low ponytail his concerned eyes on display.
"Yup of course I've never been better", I say sarcasm dripping into my voice.
I take a long swig of my water and head over to where everyone is seated.
"Has Summer reached out to you this week?" Mikey asks knowing good and well how I've been feeling.
everyone tenses up and I unknowingly do the same.
This was the most straightforward any of them have been with me in a while and I feel weirdly obligated to answer truthfully.
"No, she wants space and I plan on giving that to her", I say taking my shirt off and ready to go another round.
It's silent for a while as if they didn't expect me to even answer. Can't blame them to be honest
"If you wanna talk just know we're here", Rami says turning off the TV.
it's silent again after she says this and I disgustingly get hit with a wave of emotions and I immediately get uncomfortable.
"Look I appreciate you guys keeping me company and trying but I think I need to be alone right now and try to clear my head", I say their presence suddenly becoming overwhelming to me.
I hear them start to shuffle and leave and on cue I begin to zone them out.
I take off my t-shirt and go ham on the punching bags starting from the smallest one and making my way down to the heaviest.
It wasn't just Summer but everything that's been happening has made me realize that it feels as though all these challenges in my life are happening just to fuck with me.
I want to get out of my fucking head so I don't spiral but I just don't know how.
all of a sudden I hear the door open to the ring with a pair of footsteps and get irritated.
"I told you guys I wanted to be alone", I say my voice raised.
I turn away from the bags agitated. That's when I stop in my tracks and get a glimpse of that strawberry blonde hair that I know all too well.
Her hazel eyes widen as she notices me and immediately the energy and tension are electric.
I can't do this.
I look away from her eyes avoiding the contact and grab my shirt off the ground.
"I'll leave", I say quickly preparing to head out of my own uncle's ring.
