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I zone out staring at the clock my heart racing faster than I can breathe.
The pungent smell of chemicals and the unnerving rapid beeping of the hospital was a constant reminder of where I was and I wasn't allowed to forget it.
Ivy continuously rubs my back the rest of the group silent and tense. Kai's uncle looks drained and confused about how his nephew could be in such a condition.
Kai was undergoing intense surgery and I wasn't going anywhere until I could see his face, 4 hours had already passed and I wasn't letting up no matter what.
The way the surgeon looked at us with such defeat when he said he was struck in an extremely vital area made me rush into the bathroom and throw up all the contents of food from the cursed spring fling dance.
I was sure that this night would be something I will undoubtedly remember forever.
I was praying to every God I knew just so that Kai would come out perfectly healthy and fine.
my eyes zeroed in and zeroed out on nothing and right now I don't think I'm even on this earth because If Kai goes I promise I will too.
suddenly the doors to the waiting room burst open and I snap my eyes over to the sound not even startled.
I stare over at the doorway locking eyes with my mother first and the rest of my siblings behind her.
she spots me her eyes widening and taking in my appearance. I know I looked crazy from my blood-stained dress to my blood-shot eyes.
immediately she makes a beeline for me and I lock eyes with her causing tears to spring into her eyes.
Something snaps in me as I look at her and she looks back at me. She kneels down to my level in the waiting room chair and pulls me in for a deep hug.
small sniffles start to make their way out of me and then I just begin to cry. The tears silently stream as I hyperventilate and cry like never before in the arms of my mother.
that being the only ounce of comfort I experienced that night.
*** 1 hour later.
Everyone else around me is dozed off and asleep in the emergency waiting room while my eyes burn as I silently stare at the clock awaiting any type of news.
I'm jealous they have the privilege of still being able to sleep.
my mind won't stop torturing me because I know Rick got to Kai because of me. If I didn't exist Kai would still be healthy and in normal condition.
my mind continuously begins to play out the different scenarios where this could've possibly been prevented.
That is, until the ICU doors open, and a doctor bounds in with a smile on his face. My eyes study the doctor's demeanor as I analyze his body language, hoping and making sure it means what I think it does.
