Wren

Part 42

"I'm ready." Wren nodded to the doctor, giving him the ok.

Wren sat with Matteo in a normal-looking room; it was painted a soft green and had plush, comfortable furniture scattered around the room, a set of shelves in the corner and soft rugs layered on the floor. On the shelves was a weird rectangle. . . it kind of looked like a flat box, like a thick ipad or something? The screen was blank white.

The therapist stood from his chair and walked over to the box, reaching up and turning it on. Wren squeezed Matteo's hand tighter.

"This is a light box. It's just to help you adjust to being around brighter lights, okay? We'll start out a little dim, alright? Don't look at it directly, just at the shelves around it." He sat back down in his chair to the left of Wren, giving him a few minutes to get comfortable with the light. "So, Wren, if you're ready, I'd like to ask you some questions, okay?"

Wren nodded, his grip on Matteo's hand tightening.

"You okay, puppy?" Matteo asked under his breath.

"I'm okay." He whispered back.

"Alright. Can you tell me how you feel right now?" the therapist asked.

"Um. . . Just nervous?"

"That's okay. Is it because of the light, or just being here?"

"Both, I think. It helps that Matteo's here."

"Okay. How do you think you'd feel if he wasn't here?"

Wren glanced at Matteo, gazing into the deep brown eyes. Matteo had been his rock through everything. How could he even imagine being without him?

"I think I'd be much more nervous. 

"That's reasonable. Would you say that Matteo is a kind of. . . anchor for you? That he keeps you grounded in situations when you'd be scared?"

"Yes." Wren answered immediately, and he felt the way Matteo's hand briefly squeezed his. 

"It's good to have someone like that, that you can trust completely and is always there for you. But you should also learn to stand on your own. Would you agree?"

"Yes," Wren said slowly, his voice shaking a little.

"I know it's scary to think about being alone. But it's important that you can regulate yourself without always having a crutch. Okay?"

Wren nodded, blinking as he continued to look around the light. 

"Alright, I'll ask you a few more questions--"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Wren sighed deeply as he walked into their room, letting his bag fall from his shoulder and land on the floor. He didn't like going to the therapist, even though it'd been his idea. It made him uncomfortable and anxiety-ridden, and he always needed time to decompress when he got home.

It had been his fourth session today, and embarrassingly, he'd broken down crying right in the middle. The therapist had turned off the light and said they could cut it short for the day. He was a special kind of therapist called a trauma counselor, and he'd been told about Wren's incident. 

Wren felt completely drained of all his energy. He flopped to the floor beside his bag, the soft carpet pressing its pattern into his cheek. He stared at the door waiting for Matteo, who'd stopped to talk to his father, to come through it.

                  * * * 

Matteo entered the room to find Wren lying on the floor, teary-eyed and looking deflated.

"Hey, puppy, what's wrong?" His heart ached every time he had to see Wren like this. He let his jacket fall down his arms and threw it aside, coming to sit in front of Wren.

Wren let out a shaky breath and sat up, wiping is eyes. "You know I had a session today, right?" Ironically, it was the first one he'd gone to without Matteo. "I just-- I just completely broke down. I couldn't control it. I felt so weak and pathetic. . . it was just a little light and some stupid questions, and I --" His voice cracked, his eyes filled with self-loathing.

Matteo took Wren's hands in his own as he listened to the heartbreaking confession. He knew how hard Wren was working to get better; for himself, Matteo, Sophie. . . He always tried so hard to appear put together in front of others. But he also knew that Wren needed to break down sometimes; that he couldn't keep all those emotions pent up inside of him. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.

"You're not weak, Wren. You're human. You get overwhelmed, you get tired, you get sad. And that's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. I'm always going to be here for you, you know that right?"

Wren sobbed out an 'okay' as he buried his face in Matteo's chest, letting out a shaky breath. He felt comforted by the weight of Matteo's arms around him. He felt like the weight of the world was lifted; even if it was just for a moment. 

Matteo let him cry until he couldn't anymore. He gently pulled away from Wren and cupped his face in his hands, wiping the red eyes with his thumbs. He stood and pulled Wren up along with him. "Come on, let's go downstairs and get something to eat. It'll make you feel better, okay?" He asked with a small smile.

Wren choked out a little 'ok' and together they made their way down to the kitchen. Wren didn't know if he could eat anything with the way his stomach was churning, but he'd try.

The soothing sound of the kettle boiling and the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, a comforting smell to Wren. It reminded him of Matteo, who always smelled like coffee because he drank so much. 

Wren stared at Matteo's broad back as he made sandwiches for them. Wren's eyes drifted shut a little, feeling tired after his second breakdown of the day. The tension in his shoulders eased, and a small smile tugged at is lips as he watched his husband.

They sat at the counter in the kitchen, eating and talking quietly. Wren spoke of his therapy session, about how he'd finally been able to talk about some of the pain and anxiety that'd been weighing down on him for so long. Matteo listened attentively, letting Wren know how proud he was of him and encouraging him.

 

            Part Forty-Three Coming Soon

____________________________________________

Lol you have no idea the kinds of things I have to research for these stories. My FBI agent is probably ready to quit his job! 

For example:

'Are you allowed to talk during exposure therapy?'
'What kind of room is light exposure therapy conducted in?'
'How long does an exposure therapy session last?'
'What kind of questions do therapists ask during--?'

And many more lol. It took me so long to write out Wren's torture scenes because I wanted to make it as accurate as possible, (but obviously some of that information was really hard to find).

Anyway, thx for reading my rant lol. Have a great day!