Darknesss united

Chapter 24: Hold On

TW: GAY

Cub

Impulse helps me bring Scar back to the headquarters, my fear intensifying with each flap of my wings. The air whips his hair and I brush a strand away from his closed eyes. He looks almost peaceful, like he could be sleeping, but his breathing is faint. My heart is beating too, too fast.

Why didn't I tell him? Before it was too late?

I try to stop my tears from dripping onto Scar's face, but I can't stop my grief for this man I never told I loved. Because I loved him with all my heart.

Impulse looks over to me, noticing the blue glow of my eyes I'm sure is there. "Do you want to talk?"

I whisper under my breath, hoping that only he will hear. "I loved him..."

"...oh."

Impulse hesitates, his wings missing a beat. Quickly, he regains control. He sighs before giving me a small, sympathetic smile.

We fly back in silence the rest of the way.

I land in front of the headquarters, X waiting for us. He takes Scar from my trembling hands, hoisting him over his shoulder. Impulse's hand is on my back, its comforting warmth reassuring, and we head inside. "Hey, it'll be okay."

X takes Scar to my lab, laying him on my spare bed.

Grian bursts out the door. He runs up to Scar, hopeful. I watch the light die from his eyes as he sees Scar fully unconscious. I try to pretend I don't recognize the pang of jealousy. My heart beats faster and faster. All I can think of is him. All I can think of is each second of lost time, each moment I never told him about all I feel.

And Grian is stroking his hand, holding Scar's broken body. It's killing me.

"Step back." I say, my voice is so low it's almost a growl. He looks at me in confusion, his gaze betraying all the conflicting emotions passing behind his eyes. I wonder if I should've just not let him, but if Scar woke up staring into Grian's eyes instead of mine...

I feel my fingers turn to claws at the very thought, notice the reflection of my eyes' glow in my glasses. I try to shake off the thoughts. Because I'm. Not. Gay. I just like him as a friend, right?

I know I'm just lying to myself, but I can try to pretend. He's my closest friend. I can't ruin this.

I try to steady my breathing as I prepare to call my magic to heal Scar. It should work. It always works. But what if it doesn't? What if I lose him forever?

I can't take this any more. The air charges with power, a blue glow washing over my clawed hands. I press them to his shirtless body, involuntarily taking in every detail of his skin. I barely have time to think before he startles awake, his eyes wide.

My heart beats faster still until it feels like it might explode out of my chest. I try desperately to maintain my composure, not to let a drop of all I'm feeling show. I try to keep the floodgates sealed, to pretend it's not real.

But those sky blue, emerald green eyes...

And it's not like I can hold back the smile as he looks up at me, dazed.

"Scar? Are you okay?" I won't let myself cry over his life. Because he's still alive.

It's all I can do not to break down as his cold hand skims my arm.

And I stare at his lips as he speaks and try to ignore how much I want to feel them on mine. "I'm fine. Are you fine?"

For a second I hear 'are you mine' and it very nearly shatters the cool composure I'm holding so desperately onto. All I can say is "Yeah", but there's so much more I want to.

As the glow settles, Grian pushes me aside. I stumble backwards, falling to the ground. My glasses fall off my face, and I feel blind.

X, I think, passes them back to me. I wish I had lost them, wish they had fallen down the drain, after what I see.

Grian is holding Scar close, brushing Scar's dark hair away. And I can see the spark, see the connection. Impulse could tell me he's done something and I would believe it.

I turn and try to walk away, though all I want is to stay. I look over my shoulder hopefully, begging whoever will listen to change the past and put me in Scar's future.

And it's still them. It's still you and him. Even if all I want is you and me.

I finally gather the courage to leave, trying to hide the tears that well behind my eyes.

All I can think of is why did I save Scar, why didn't I wait? Then, it would still be me.

I make up my mind. I'm going to pull an Eliza and erase myself from this narrative. They will never know what happened to me. They will never know why I'm silent. The news will question what happened to this villain who destroyed Scar. They will never know he destroyed me.

Impulse will be the only one to ever know how I feel. And he will be the only one I tell. Because I'll be gone. Scar will wonder what he did, why I'll stay gone.

I look up at the sky, trying not to let my tears fall.

I'll be gone when Scar tries to find me..