Shadows Of Stardom

Chapter 44

The note remained hidden away, a crisp white rectangle that carried a heavy weight of unspoken fear. I should have told San as soon as I discovered it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not now, especially when he had been so calm—something I hadn't seen in what felt like ages. His smiles were genuine, lighting up his eyes, and the shadows that once haunted him seemed to have faded, leaving his face looking softer and more at ease. I didn't want to shatter that moment. Not yet. This was the happiness I had always hoped for him, and I didn't want to be the reason it might crumble. The words on that note, along with the uncertainty they brought, felt like poison I couldn't bear to give him right now. He simply didn’t need that burden at this moment.

I planned to tell him next week, after I returned from LA. Perhaps I was being naive by postponing the inevitable, but for now, I wanted to keep seeing him like this.

“Jennie, I don’t think that’s a good idea," Jisoo's voice interrupted my thoughts, her brow knitted with concern. We were lounging in my room, the afternoon light casting gentle shadows on the pale blue walls. I had just shared my plan with her—or at least a small part of it.

It was about something else, something that made my chest ache with a mix of longing and anxiety. I had told Jisoo, somewhat hesitantly, that I intended to see Taehyung after the Fashion show.

“I don’t know, Jisoo," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. The weight of my unexpressed emotions felt more burdensome than ever, the pressure almost overwhelming. "I need to do something. I can't just sit here, waiting for him to... what? To somehow figure out how I feel? It feels like I'm being completely inactive. He might think I don’t care, but I do, Jisoo, I really care a lot.” My voice trembled, threatening to reveal the whirlwind of feelings inside me.

I was exhausted from feeling so helpless, like a ship lost in a vast sea of uncertainty. Taehyung was my safe haven, my home, and the idea of him being out of reach filled me with a chilling dread that gnawed at me. I needed to take action, anything, to close that gap.

Jisoo observed me with her perceptive gaze, as if she could see right through the walls I had built around myself. "I get it, Jennie, but you can’t just show up at his place unannounced. He might misunderstand your intentions. It’s been months." Her voice was soft yet resolute. Naturally, Jisoo, the voice of reason, was making perfect sense. She was my steadying force, always articulating the truth I was trying to avoid.

My counterargument was weak, but I felt I had to attempt it. Even if it was a stretch. “Wouldn’t you want San to appear at your door with a bouquet of roses if you had a meltdown on him?” I asked, locking eyes with her.

I intended for the question to be provocative, hoping to convey my point about the element of surprise, but as soon as I spoke, I realized the weight of my words; I had inadvertently revealed something about her and my brother. It felt as if my mouth had a will of its own, spilling out the truth I had tried to hide from her. Instantly, I attempted to backtrack, my mind racing to rectify the situation I had just created.

“Sometimes surprises can fix everything,” I quickly added, trying to steer her attention away from my mistake. Her expression turned pale, and her eyes widened in shock. She resembled a deer caught in headlights, and I felt a sinking feeling in my chest at the unintended disclosure.

An uncomfortable silence enveloped the room, filled with an awkward tension that had settled in. I could see her discomfort, her fists clenched at her sides. I regretted not keeping my thoughts to myself.

"You knew?” she eventually asked, her voice barely a whisper. The question lingered in the air, fragile and tinged with disbelief . She appeared both frightened and adorable, causing my heart to skip a beat. I had no desire to be upset about her relationship with my brother, but I could see the fear in her eyes and the way she nervously shifted her weight from one leg to the other. What did she think I would do, call the authorities?