Shadows Of Stardom

Chapter 50

The bitter taste of bile lingered in my mouth, no matter how many times I tried to rinse it away. Morning sickness? More like an all-day, every-single-day ordeal. I had attempted everything—crackers, ginger, and even those strange acupressure bands that Jisoo insisted I try. Nothing seemed to help.

Last night, forcing myself to sleep felt like a struggle. My mind wouldn’t quiet down, running in circles with thoughts of contracts, choreographies, flashing lights, and the constant burden of expectations. The pressure of being Jennie Kim, a member of BLACKPINK, was unyielding. And now, with the added challenge of pregnancy, the pressure had reached a whole new level.

This morning, the reward for finally managing to drift off was the all-too-familiar, gut-wrenching urge to vomit.

“Jennie?” Rosé’s gentle, hesitant voice called from the bedroom. Oh no. She couldn’t see me like this—weak, vulnerable, clinging to the toilet. It was bad enough that Jisoo was aware of my situation. The fewer people who knew, the better. At least for now.

“I’m in the shower,” I croaked, hoping my voice didn’t reveal how distressed I truly felt. It sounded feeble to my own ears.

“Okay, I just wanted to let you know breakfast is ready,” she replied, her voice just outside the bathroom door. I could almost feel her concern seeping through the wood.

“I’ll be down soon,” I whispered, relieved that it was loud enough for her to hear. I heard her footsteps retreat, and a wave of relief washed over me, quickly followed by another surge of nausea. Just perfect.

I leaned over the toilet again, willing my body to cooperate. I had to get through this. I needed to tell Lisa and Rosé, but not yet. Not today.

After what felt like an eternity, the heaving finally subsided. My face was pale, and my hair was a tangled mess clinging to my damp forehead. I splashed cold water on my face, trying to restore some color and semblance of the Jennie Kim the world recognized.

The shower was a welcome escape. The hot water poured over me, washing away the remnants of the morning’s ordeal. I lingered under the spray longer than necessary, trying to gather my strength. I needed to be strong—not just for myself, but for the girls.

Stepping out, I quickly dried off and reached for the cupboard. My room at Lisa’s house felt like a comforting sanctuary. The closet was filled with soft, flowing dresses, a refreshing change from the structured stage outfits I usually wore. I pulled out a simple, loose sundress—something that wouldn’t pinch or constrict. It felt like a small victory, at least.. Then there was the pregnancy, adding a whole new level of stress.

This morning, the reward for finally falling asleep was the all-too-familiar, gut-wrenching nausea.

“Jennie?” Rosé’s soft, hesitant voice drifted in from the bedroom. Oh no. She couldn’t see me like this—weak, vulnerable, hunched over the toilet. It was bad enough that Jisoo knew. The fewer people who were aware, the better. At least for now.

“I’m in the shower,” I managed to croak, hoping my voice didn’t reveal how distressed I truly felt. It sounded feeble to my own ears.

“Okay, I just wanted to let you know breakfast is ready,” she replied, her voice right outside the bathroom door. I could almost feel her concern seeping through the wood.