Shadows Of Stardom

Chapter 64

"Are you sure you want to go by yourself?" San asked, his voice tinged with concern that pierced through my carefully built defenses. I nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly, but with determination.

"Not even with Taehyung?" Chanyeol interjected, worry etched around his eyes.

"No," I replied, my tone sharp and clipped. I felt a twinge of regret for being so abrupt. Frustration, a familiar presence lately, threatened to spill over.

"But—" San began, but I interrupted him, preemptively cutting off the flood of worries I knew would follow.

"I'm doing well now. Actually, I'm great. I promise," I said, forcing a smile that likely resembled more of a grimace. "I just need some time alone, you know? To… breathe."

My brothers exchanged a glance, a silent conversation filled with doubt and concern that I couldn't quite interpret. I desperately hoped they understood the delicate balance I was trying to maintain, the tightrope I was walking as I navigated the remnants of my past.

"I'm just worried about you, Jennie," San admitted, his voice softening, his eyes reflecting a depth of care that made my heart ache.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my already messy hair. "I know. But I just… I don’t know. I need to sort out my life on my own. I can't always rely on you guys, the girls, or Taehyung. I want to do this… on my own terms, for once." The words spilled out, a raw and honest plea.

San looked away, his jaw tense, the muscle in his cheek twitching. The silence hung heavily, filled with unspoken fears.

"Alright," he finally relented, his voice reluctant. "But under one condition."

I raised my eyebrows, silently asking what he meant.

"One of my men will accompany you," he declared, his gaze steady.

I thought about arguing, about standing my ground and asserting my independence. But the overwhelming exhaustion and mental fatigue from the struggle washed over me, and I surrendered.

"Sure," I replied, the word lacking any real conviction.

"I'm leaving this weekend," I announced, trying to infuse some enthusiasm into my voice. They nodded, their expressions still cautious, but I noticed a flicker of relief in their eyes. I couldn’t blame them; if I were in their shoes, I would be filled with anxiety too.

Everything felt like it was happening too fast—or maybe not fast enough. Time had become distorted since… well, since everything. But I felt okay. More than okay, actually. I was finally beginning to feel like myself again. I couldn’t even recall the last time I had those gut-wrenching nightmares that had haunted me for months. The panic attacks had also become less frequent and less intense; they hardly occurred anymore. I no longer flinched at the sight of anyone or recoiled from a raised voice or sudden movement.

As for sex… I hadn’t attempted it again since that night, even though a part of me longed to. But Taehyung seemed hesitant, perhaps worried that he had pressured me into it. We had both been swept up in the moment, a whirlwind of emotions and urgent needs. Yet, I didn’t think he fully grasped how much that night had helped me, how it had been a small beacon of light in the overwhelming darkness.