𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 | 𝐊. 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐌𝐀

# thirty-five

#35 | ECHOES OF HIM

He said I love you before you broke up.

It was the first time he'd ever said it. The words had hung in the air between you, heavy and bittersweet. For a moment, they didn't feel like a confession. They felt like a goodbye.

Now, that moment played on a loop in your mind, each replay sharpening the ache in your chest. No matter how many times you turned it over, dissected it, tried to rationalize it—it didn't make the pain any easier. Kenma had loved you, or at least that's what he said, but if he did, why did it end like this?

The days after the breakup felt like a blur. You weren't sure if it was denial, grief, or some twisted combination of both, but you were barely functioning. Rin tried to help—tried to be there for you in the way only your best friend could—but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Your apartment was a mess, a physical reflection of the chaos inside you. Clothes were strewn across the floor, empty takeout containers piled up on the coffee table, and your once-pristine gaming setup sat untouched, collecting dust. The sight of it alone made your stomach churn.

You couldn't even look at a screen without thinking of him.

His face haunted you—on your phone, your computer, your mind. Every corner of the internet seemed to conspire against you. Fans had noticed the unfollows, the abrupt deletion of couple pictures, the radio silence from both your streams. Speculation was rampant.

"Did they break up?"

"Maybe it's just a hiatus?"

"Nah, they unfollowed each other. That's a breakup for sure."

It was everywhere, and even though you tried to avoid it, curiosity got the better of you sometimes. You'd scroll through Reddit threads and Twitter posts, reading strangers' theories about your own heartbreak, as if you weren't the one living it.

Rin found you like that one afternoon, sprawled on your bed, scrolling through a fan forum with puffy eyes and dark circles that betrayed the sleepless nights. Her long black hair was tied into a low bun, but a few strands escaped, framing her worried face. She leaned against your doorframe, arms crossed.

"Y/n," she called softly.

You didn't respond.

Rin sighed and walked over, her bare feet padding against the wooden floor. She plucked your phone out of your hands, ignoring your weak protests, and tossed it onto the other side of the bed.

"Enough," she said firmly.

You groaned, burying your face into a pillow. "Rin, I can't—"

"You can," she interrupted, sitting beside you. "You just don't want to."

"Of course, I don't want to!" you snapped, voice cracking mid-sentence. "Do you know how hard this is? He—he said he loved me, Rin. And then it was over. Just like that. Six months, gone. What's the point of trying to move on when nothing makes sense?"

Rin placed a hand on your back, rubbing slow, soothing circles. "Y/n, I know it hurts. I know you loved him. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're drowning, and I don't know how to pull you out if you don't want to swim."

Her words stung because they were true.

At night, it was worse.

The silence was deafening, and your thoughts were relentless. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw him. The way he'd smile when he thought no one was looking. The way his voice softened when he called your name. The way he'd pull you closer in his sleep, as if even unconscious, he couldn't bear to let you go.

And now, he was gone.

Your bed felt too big, too cold. You found yourself reaching for him in the middle of the night, only to wake up clutching empty sheets. It was pathetic, but you couldn't stop.

One evening, Rin forced you to shower and eat something that wasn't instant noodles. She sat on your couch, her long legs tucked beneath her as she scrolled through Netflix, trying to find something to distract you.

"Remember when we used to binge those cheesy rom-coms?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at you.

You sat cross-legged on the floor, hair damp and face freshly scrubbed, staring blankly at the coffee table. "Yeah. Kenma hated them."

Rin winced. "Okay, maybe not the best choice."

"You don't have to keep trying, Rin," you muttered. "I appreciate it, but nothing helps."

"That's not true," she said softly. "Time will help."

You let out a bitter laugh. "Time? Time's just making it worse. Every day that passes is another day further from him. It's another day he's not coming back."

The words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating.

The truth was, you loved Kenma more than you ever thought you could love anyone.

He wasn't the most expressive person, but with you, he'd let his walls down just enough to make you feel special. He'd remember the little things—like how you took your coffee or which part of the blanket you always liked. He wasn't big on grand gestures, but the quiet moments with him were enough.

And now, those moments were gone.

You missed his voice, his touch, his presence. You missed the way he'd tease you during streams, the way he'd quietly hold your hand under the table during group hangouts, the way he'd look at you like you were the only person in the room.

One night, Rin found you sitting on the balcony, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you stared at the city lights.

"You're going to catch a cold out here," she said, sitting beside you.

"Good," you replied dryly.

"Y/n," she sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around you both.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice trembling. "I know I'm being a mess. I just... I don't know how to do this, Rin. I don't know how to move on from someone who was my everything."

"You're not a mess," she said, resting her head against yours. "You're human. And you're grieving. It's okay to feel like this. But you can't let it consume you."

"I loved him so much," you choked out, tears spilling down your cheeks. "I still do."

"I know," Rin murmured, holding you tighter. "But you have to love yourself too."

The words didn't fix anything, but they stayed with you. Maybe, someday, you'd believe them.

────── end of chapter ──────

▸ In another well-known place to you, a known faux blond is going through the same feelings of depression and regret.

authors note:

it gets better guys, just let me recover from the finals that mentally scarred me.

i appreciate any votes+comments. stay safe, healthy, and hydrated :D + take care of your mental health!!!