to be thin (frerard)

To be alone.

It was the summer before eighth grade. I was 13, Gerard was 15. He didn't mind that I was 13 years old. Just beginning to understand teenage things. We still spent our summer days eating Popsicles (Although,Gerard now insisted they needed to be sugar-free.) and seeing how high we could swing on the swing set and jump off without seriously hurting ourselves. The first place title cost me a broken wrist. Gerard told me to get plain white so I did. We spent weeks together in my old tree house laying on the wooden floor, me with a popsicle in one hand, the other in Gerard's, where he was drawing all over my cast. When the time came to get the cast removed, I asked to keep the cast. Its still in the shoe box underneath my bed.

Gerard, being the artsy fellow he was, signed up for art camp. To my dismay it was a sleep-away camp. No Gerard for a month. I made it through. I spent late nights in the tree house thinking of Gerard's cut up thighs, and how it must feel. Naturally curious, I grabbed an old key and went to town on my ankle. And oh man did that feel great! I could feel the pressured flying off of me. I finally understood. I couldn't wait to show Gee!

When he did come back, I saw that he had changed. First of all he looked, well, sick. I figured he was just a little carsick. Second, he had teeny tiny scratches on his usually blemish free knuckles. Let's not forget the extra bag he brought home. We talked for hours after he ate dinner with his parents. He told me to meet him in the treehouse at 12:30. I agreed.

He was there before me. He had a t shirt and old basketball shorts on. We were matching, besides colors and the fact that mine were from phys ed. My shallow ankle cuts were visible, but he didn't notice. He was grinning, I mean Cheshire Cat would be envious. He suddenly went into full rant mode.

"Frankie, oh my god! There were so many girls and boys there it was great. I made a little group of friends too we called ourselves the "Winterchildren" it was great! I'll explain the name later when you see me, oh you will just understand I promise! They gave me these pills. What they do is make you not feel hungry so you don't eat. Then, you lose tons of weight its aweso-"

"Lose weight? What do you mean Gee? Why would you want to do that? You're not fat at all."  He chuckled and looked away from me.

"But here's the thing, Frank.  I am. I'm a huge fat fat fatty. Everyone there was just so thin. I'm huge. It's okay. You don't have to worry. In fact.." He pulled out another box of pills. "Why don't you join me?"