The feeding tube was horrible. Obviously, I had no choice. I couldn't rip it out, I couldn't just stop it from pumping calories. I had no control. I was bloated all the time and I could practically feel the fat bubbling under my skin.
Gerard got away without a scratch. He blamed him not eating on his parents divorce. So of course, all he got was therapy. What did I get? Oh you know, just 4 months inpatient.
'New Leaf Residential' was terrible. They wrote down all my numbers in pen. They didn't budge. The only relief I got was midnight workouts in the dark and the occasional 'Seriously, Cheryl, I will throw up if i have i eat anymore of this.' Of course, that was only some days. I gained a total of 15 pounds before they declared me stable enough to be let out and start outpatient.
Gerard was pissed. He said that I should have tried harder, that I should have fought. I cried to him. I wanted to scream and tell him I could have spent years in there just trying to get out. That if I didn't let them weigh me, that if I didn't eat 1,500 calories a day, then I would be locked away for the rest of my life.
He helped me through it. I lost 15 pounds in two months. I was at 90 pounds. I was feather light, I was walking on leaves without them crunching, I was stomping in front of my mother but she could never see me.
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Oh hi! So yeah this is short but whatever. I'm getting a laptop soon though so you know what that means? Super long well written chapters!! Woo!! Sorry this took so long to update, my life is kinda crazy right now eeek. But yeah more updates dont worry. Okay comment, rate, you know what to do :-)
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to be thin (frerard)
Fanfiction'it was as if winter had touched my body and left it permanently cold' wintergirls au - ish
