AMOR SERIES 1: One Cold Night

25: Vingt-cinquième nuit

One Cold Night
25: Be Honest

Vera Alette's Pov

"Okay ka na?" Victor asked me for the nth time. He asked me the same question when we were inside his car, bought coffee and pastries, and arrived here at our usual tambayan, which I missed. He's always asking.

"I'm still not, so stop asking because I don't know when I will be," I mumbled, sounding like I had a severe cold. I blew my nose on a clean tissue to breathe a little better.

The fact that I got into an argument with my brother had just sunken in. I never got into a fight with Kuya, nagtatampo ako, but we would always resolve it as quickly as possible. A simple ice cream treat would solve it all back then. But now... how am I even supposed to fix it? Even if he bought me a hundred ice cream, it couldn't take away this heavy feeling that easily. Then Mom... I know, I hurt her with my words, but I was hurt too. I want to get mad, too. I have feelings, too, even if they were a puzzle!

"Hindi ko... alam anong gagawin ko..." Sinubukan kong suminghot pero masyadong barado ang ilong ko, I don't want to cry anymore but tears are trying to get into my system again.

"Tungkol saan?"

"Will I ever forgive them? Will they ever forgive me?" I looked up at him as if he was my only resort. As if he had the answer.

"I know you would, and they will, your brother... obviously has a very soft spot for you, it takes time, but don't worry, hindi mo naman kailangang magmadali, physical wound tends to get well, but it also needs time, same goes emotionally, so you don't have to worry about it... " He mumbled, his hand moved but he ended up keeping it to himself.

I nodded, processing his words.

"I'm just... Gusto ko ring magalit, ngayon lang, I want to be mad at them, I want to... be selfish, I want to understand myself for now because I, myself am too confusing, everything is, he is always a monster, nothing will change, but will they ever take the risk to tell me sooner? Simple words like, Mom called me, or Mom and I have a contact...

 I would gladly accept that, but hiding it from me for fucking years? That's unfair! So unfair! Why is... everyone always lying, does it run in our bloodline... Damn it," Tears streamed down my face again, sinubukan kong punasan iyon ng paulit-ulit gamit ang likod ng kamay ko but it would never stop! My eyes and nose are hurting already! Pwede bang tama na muna? Like mamaya nalang or bukas or bukas makalawa?!

Plus! I am looking ugly in front of him, I am sure!

"Anger, is a very powerful emotion, pwede kang magalit ngayon but never let it blind you, sana maalala mo pa rin na love ka nila, those people care for you, may you never forget that, okay? You are valid, you can be mad, just don't let it into you..." He then tousled my hair, of course, kinilig ako don! I always am! Here I am being honest for once because I am so fed up with lies!

I breathed deeply, hindi ko na alam kung bakit ko o anong dahil ng pagpapakalma ko sa sarili ko, dahil ba sa pag-iyak o dahil sa ramdam ko ang lapit ni Victor sa akin.